Tim Benedict

Jesus > Bloggers

2012-01-23T23:54:00.000-04:00

Almost 2 weeks ago, Jefferson Bethke posted a video on YouTube in which he confronted the self-righteous and proclaimed Jesus and his life-changing grace.

And sixteen million people listened.

The response was absolutely staggering--and strangely alarming.

Millions took to their blogs, Twitter accounts and Facebook. Among them so did the Christians. And sides formed very rapidly.

Outspoken Christian leaders were quickly and publicly critical of Bethke, his poem, his words, even his motivation. Even in my small Christian community present on Facebook, the majority of comments were surprisingly negative.

The only saving grace in what ensued, strangely enough, was Bethke’s own response to it all. He was thankful, humble, teachable, willing to listen, and not at all quick to defend. In fact, he didn’t.

In less than 2 weeks, roughly 16.5 million people watched his video. Several major news networks ran his story, and some even aired his video. Chalk up on another couple million viewers. (CBS’s Morning Show alone captured some 2.75 million viewers last week according to Neilsen’s ratings, can you guess how many of them were watching today’s interview with Jefferson Bethke?)

Here’s the point. Semantics aside, Jefferson Bethke proclaimed the good news about Jesus--that Jesus, alone, saves sinners. That Jesus loves sinners. I mean, read his conclusion for yourself:

Because he took the crown of thorns, and the blood dripped down his face
He took what we all deserved, I guess that's why you call it grace
And while being murdered he yelled
"Father forgive them they know not what they do."
Because when he was dangling on that cross, he was thinking of you
And he absorbed all of your sin, and buried it in the tomb
Which is why I'm kneeling at the cross, saying come on there's room
So for religion, no I hate it, in fact I literally resent it
Because when Jesus said it is finished, I believe he meant it

It seemed clear to me that this was Bethke’s heart. He seemed to yearn for people to come face to face with the real Jesus, and not just a an imitation. And listening to him talk about Jesus in the ensuing spotlight proved as much.

Before you criticize, stop and think about the implications. Some 18 million people heard the Good News about the real Jesus--the one that transforms sinners. (I know, there were some points blurry and missing altogether for many theologians, but examine Paul’s sermon in Acts 16:31 and note all of the soteriology also missing from his Spirit-filled effectual proclamation of the Gospel.)

With God at work, I am confident there were a few out there who heard about Jesus and repented. And how mind-blowing is that!

But many people didn’t. Many more reacted. Many attacked. (And some perhaps shouldn't have)

If words were stones, this guy would have been killed on the spot. Oddly, it might have been fitting--uh, historically, that is. (c.f. John the Baptist, Jesus, Stephen, and Martin Luther--to mention a few) That’s how religious people responded to those who opposed them thousands of years ago. Is today any different? At least today we merely blog about them instead of stoning them.

Sadly, many devout, orthodox Christians were among them. Many whom I respect.

But why?

I mean that.

Why?

To prove what? To prove there’s merit to being religious, sorta kinda? Okay, but really? To defend that Jesus was relgious, and we should be to? Huh? To defend that Christianity really is a religion? To defend that we must keep the law? (I really hope not!) To defend the faith? Against a brother?

Here’s my question: Was this reaction beneficial?

Pastor Kevin DeYoung, was your reaction beneficial? Laura Ortberg Turner, was your reaction beneficial?

I mean, the corrupt news anchor on a cable news network was “moved” while the orthodox theologians were “angry.” Sound familiar? Recall Jonah, pouting outside Nineveh quite angrily, all because God unorthodoxly pardoned the wicked, vile heathens. Recall the religious dinner guests of Jesus who were so put off because 1) a slut openly washed Jesus’ feet with the tears of her repentance, and 2) she was forgiven.

Paul the Apostle has words for the church that seem to connect to how the church should respond to prophets, prophecies, and those who would preach Jesus.

Take a listen:

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 19 Do not quench the Spirit. 20 Do not despise prophecies, 21 but test everything; hold fast what is good. 22 Abstain from every form of evil.” (2 Thessalonians 5:18-22)

James, who also mentions religion in his letter, also added this:

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 21 Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.” (James 1:19-21)

And finally, to only highlight one more of many others, here's John:

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3 and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already. 4 Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 5 They are from the world; therefore they speak from the world, and the world listens to them. 6 We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of error.” (1 John 4:1-6)

I’m not prooftexting my point. I’m simply asking if perhaps we should have reacted a little more beneficially. There are so many important things worth defending to the death. But then there’s those things that aren’t--and especially not when the other person actually agrees with you.

So, could God prophetically and gloriously use this willing, fallible, chief-of-sinners in this video (e.g. earthquake) to expose people to the Good News about his Son Jesus?

Have you asked Him to?

Some Resources:

Unanswered Prayer

2011-04-05T09:06:00.000-03:00

Here's a harrowing thought for you Christians this morning. The most heartfelt, passionate prayer ever lifted was prayed by Jesus, the very one to whom we pray and expect answers. And it was unanswered.

I read this last night in Andrew Byers's book, Faith Without Illusions. Andrew went on to point out that despite our desperate efforts to idealize this Jesus we worship, he most needfully remains Christ crucified. When people ask, "Is Jesus real?" The answer ought to be, "depends." It depends on which Jesus you're looking for. A Jesus who gives us everything we need and could ever desire, a Jesus who cures every disease we have, and A Jesus who makes us comfortable for eternity--this Jesus is a lie. He never existed. The Jesus who does exist is gloriously different. He came to die, and he ever lives. His last and greatest prayer was unanswered, and yet he submitted. The truth is, sometimes Jesus cures a person's disease. But sometimes he doesn't. God doesn't always answer every prayer, and especially not always the way we want. And he's good for it. He is love. He loves us. He's big. He's to be feared. He's to be worshiped. Are we worshiping an ideal? See, Jesus didn't come to be worshipped. He came to suffer and die. We worship a Jesus crucified because we are a people most sinful. That death was because of us, and for us.

We suffer when our view of God is idealized by our culture, by our own sinful desires. When we subtly though wrongfully believe that He won't give us more than we can handle, we miss, as Andrew pointed out, that "God will sometimes give us way more than we can handle for the purpose of disassembling our self-reliance and establishing reliance on God alone."

So when your prayer goes unanswered, you're in the company of Jesus. And then see God for who He really is, without illusions. Because only then will you, like Paul, understand the secret of being content. (Philippians 4:12)

Jesus, the real Jesus, the lamb of God who was slain, alone, is worth it.

Why Christians like me need the Gospel

2011-03-20T00:12:00.000-03:00

Yesterday was a date night for Arlee and me. I liked Friday for that reason.

I also liked Friday the 18th of March because it marked the end of another tryingly transitional week. Arlee's been working 8 hour days watching children--work that starts at 7:30 am. Arlee's roughly 19 weeks pregnant, and 18 weeks more pregnant than she was 18 weeks ago. I, on the other hand am pregnant with tasks and ideas and thoughts and to-do-lists outstanding. My day job is on the chopping block called "organizational renovation." It demands 8 hours a day from me, not including the one hour round trip to and from work and the 5 miles of walking I do to and from my free street-parking spot in Scranton every week. My creative job is in my head, and that one involves me redesigning an organization's logo. Part of my week I'm also a photographer. As such, though there a million things I'm supposed to be doing, I'm currently wearing an accountant's hat, collecting my poorly organized financial statements and figuring out how to fill out a nasty form called Schedule C. And then there's my passion--leading the college & young singles ministry called Common Ground. That's a job some men are paid to do, 60 hours a week. Back to being married. I come home Monday through Thursday with less than four hours to do 75% of all the above in relationship with my best friend and lover, in a ratty old apartment with issues, with two needy and demanding kittens, and enough distractions to occupy me alone for weeks.

That's why we had a date night. We love each other desperately enough to cherish, protect and cultivate our relationship--together, enjoying a walk on a rare 65 degree evening, homemade pizza, and Manning's ice cream.

We've been happily married for over 9 months now. I thank God for marriage, and I praise Him for making Arlee my wife. (See Genesis 2.22) And I need her. Our relationship that we share is precious. But it's also fragile. It's shaped by the effort and work we willing and lovingly put into it. It's also shaped by the circumstances and forces of life all around us and even by the sin within us. And that's the simple reason for a date night. It's a means to an end. That is, a date night is the means to a beautiful, fruitful marriage.

That's the good news.

Here's the bad news.

I've neglected God, and have forgotten Jesus.

I'm striving for things that don't matter. I'm falling apart on the inside. I'm worried and upset about many things, when only one thing is needed. (Luke 10.38-42)

The truth is, I also have a relationship with the Lord God, the creator of heaven and earth. This one's got more weight than all my earthly relationships put together--including my marriage. The reason is simple and yet profound. See, He chose me and loved me, despite my wickedness and sin. He sent Jesus his Son to bear my punishment on the cross, thereby making me completely right with God. As a result, God forgave all of my sins, and brought me into a beautiful relationship with Himself through faith (belief) in Jesus. And it's through this relationship that He is transforming me into a real man, one who lives and acts like Jesus to the glory of God--because He's worth it.

Only, the thing is, His worth is variable in our hearts. We can't see him physically for who He really is because of sin. If we could, we would die in fear. (Exodus 33.19-23) Honestly, in a way, not being able to see Him is a gift from God. But the responsibility can be a curse. Because we can't see Him, our only option is to trust Him through the Gospel. The Gospel shows us His worth. However, without trying we forget Him and the Gospel. And then there's an Enemy who spreads lies. So does the world around us. So does our sin. As a result, things which do not matter become far more weightier than God, and the scale tips the other way. We live for things that don't matter. And it plagues us, and ruins everything.

My soul hurts tonight, because I'm out of touch with my Savior. It's been a while. And it's affecting everything. But that's the undeniable reason why Christians desperately need the Gospel.

Just like Paul said to Timothy, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst" (1 Timothy 1.15)

This is my esse quam videri moment--"to be, rather than to seem to be." Don't mistake the mask for the player. I need his grace, just like you do. I'm done pretending not to.

It's time to get one thing straight tonight. He is worth everything.

"to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen." -1 Tim. 1.17

A Clear Mind

2010-11-17T09:07:00.001-04:00

"The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray." -1 Peter 4:7

Ever since the doctors confirmed that I have some expensive health condition that predisposes me to feeling fatigued (or worse), I've had something to blame for my reluctance to wake up earlier than absolutely necessary. And I think that made me worse.

Being clear minded is the opposite of what I am when my alarm goes off at 6:00 am. Not being self-controlled is the reason I allow my alarm to annoy my wife until 7:30 am.

But being purchased, redeemed, loved, and forgiven by the blood of Jesus Christ is the reason the former bothers me. He loves me. I love him. I need him. I need his strength. It's how I grow in grace and knowledge. And when I read these words in Peter's letter, I saw clearly why the Spirit of God through Peter issued this command. Unless we be clear minded and self-controlled, we'll not be able to pray.

And as unspiritual as I am sometimes, I closed by Bible and talked to my God about one thing. Being clear minded.

It's funny, but having a clear mind and being self-controlled create more hours in day.

Erasing Dried Dry-Erase Marker

2010-11-11T16:25:00.003-04:00

I have a broad fascination with blank sheets of white paper, blank unused moleskine journals, and whiteboards. I love creativity. I love the raw potential that exists in all things white and otherwise blank. But I hate it at the same time. I used to dread taking out my water color set and not knowing what to create on that white paper. I dread the white unused spaces in my journal. I've identified it as my arch-nemesis. That's why I can never start my moleskines on page one. I'm afraid of messing up, making mistakes. Thats the page where my fear dwells. Essentially, while I'm full of creative potential creativity, I kinetically destroy it.

That's why I love whiteboards. More than that, I love colored dry-erase markers. I love using my fingers to perfect mistakes. Because whiteboards aren't the creation. They inspire it. Whiteboards are meant to be incessantly filled with words and pictures and then erased to be replaced. This is where my creation thrives.

Except when I don't erase it, and worse, when I walk away from it. And for a very long time.

Makes me sad.

Because erasing dried dry erase markers is impossible, no matter how hard I tried.

But I learned something. There's one amazing way to erase old, dried dry erase marker on a whiteboard: Start creating again, right over top those old dried out stains.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do. As messy as I am. I'll give my fear only one page. This is page 2.

Work

2008-12-19T18:05:00.000-04:00

I discovered something about myself this week. I don't like to work. I'll be honest--I dream, I have a keen vision, I even have grandiose desires for my life; but I'm lazy. To be lazy is to be unwilling to work or use energy. What's worse is my having excuses. And I've gone no where fast. But now, I'm sick of it. Allow me to share with you the reason why.

I'm captivated by the relationship God desires to have with me. That I can enjoy and experience intimacy with the Almighty is a reality comparable to nothing else. Not only does He desire this relationship with us, He makes it all happen by His grace. He sets us free and gives us life to the full. Believe me, I desire an intimate, passionate, love relationship with God.

I have lived 24 years already and often wonder how many I have truly lived. I have made it my goal to live all of the days of my life. I don't want to merely survive, I don't want to get by, and I certainly don't want to die a slow death. I want to live.

I want to truly become a man--no, a dangerous-to-the-enemy, gentle, kind-hearted, wild-hearted, authentic, genuine, reverent, and faithful servant of God. I don't want anything to do with nice.

I want to be trained for ministry. I want to become a husband and raise a family. I want to do something significant with my life. But I was unwilling to do the work and use up my energy to accomplish these things. I found that it was easier to want to be these things than it is to actually work hard and pay the price to become these things.

And we all want these things don't we? We want to do something significant with our lives. We want to make enough money to be happy. The problem is, as I found it to be in my life, we are searching for a feeling instead of the real thing. (The American doctrine of Instant Gratification) We want the intimate romance of our dreams, so we spend our time looking for it and feeling for it going from partner to partner--instead of preparing ourselves for it, working on our character, working on having the strength to work at it, and working out our own issues while paving the way and preparing for the reality of a real romance. We want to make more money, but we despise our jobs--instead of working on our attitudes, building our character, becoming stronger so we can work harder and as long as we can to make having more money a reality. We want to do something significant so we talk about it and pessimistically search for the feeling of significance--instead of taking a risk, doing the extra work to actually be significant, if but only to the people we work with.

I wanted the intimate relationship with God, until I realized that intimacy is the result of an unabashed, relentless pursuit, requiring upmost, unconditional commitment and effort on the part of each. Sadly, I wanted the feeling of intimacy in my relationship with God more than I was willing to work at an intimate relationship with God. Isn't it the same with relationships? It's amazing how many people have sex to experience a momentary feeling of intimacy, though most often leaving them with intense regret and an insatiable awareness of a lack of intimacy. Easier to feel it here and there than work for the reality of living it out in our daily lives.

My mentor taught me that grinding my own coffee beans just before brewing them makes for the greatest tasting coffee--but, it's work. It is easier to go into debt buying less-satisfying nearly-instant coffee at my local Starbucks. And I do it, even though my coffee is 100 times better.

This week I read that Jesus himself, God in the flesh, learned obedience by what he suffered. It hit me. I don't want to suffer. I want the fruit of suffering, but am unwilling to first suffer. I'm an idiot. If He himself yielded to the pain of suffering before being made perfect, I had better quit running from the very thing God is using to form me into the very person I long to become. Am I willing to endure hardship? Am I willing to do the work and use up whatever energy I have? Are you?

Wind

2008-11-12T16:06:00.000-04:00

Today, I learned that wind is created by the flow of air from an area of high pressure to an area of low pressure due to changes in heat. The rotation of the earth on its axis is the reason wind circulates in a spiral motion between high and lower pressure areas. A low pressure area is created by the rising of a warmer, less-dense air mass away from the earth's surface. And conversely, a high pressure is created by the colder, more-dense air falling down to the surface, replacing the warm air. :) Now, to figure out why the oceans are salty.

Re: Shattered Dreams

2008-09-16T00:01:00.001-03:00

In our Common Ground community at church we have been reading and exploring the book of Ruth together. Its story is deeply touching. The following quote comes from Larry Crabb's perspective on Naomi, the leading character in the story, in his book, Shattered Dreams. This is what he writes:

"Shattered dreams open the door to better dreams, dreams that we do not properly value until the dreams that we improperly value are destroyed. Shattered dreams destroy false expectations, such as the 'victorious' Christian life with no real struggle or failure. They help us discover true hope. We need the help of shattered dreams to put us in touch with what we most long for, to create a felt appetite for better dreams. And living for the better dreams generates a new, unfamiliar feeling that we eventually recognize as joy." (p. 35)

Another Pilgrim's Progress

2008-09-11T00:33:00.000-03:00

I've been thinking about Pilgrim's Progress this week thanks in part to a friend's random question. (If you were your own character in Pilgrim's Progress, what would your name be?) Being Nameless for the time being, I cannot escape perceiving my days in terms of Christian's journey (or was it Graceless's). I say this with a sigh, because I wish I could read it again.

I'm stuck in the Slough of Despond. Am I allowed to be stuck there? I'm not supposed to be, I know. But I am. Despite my bloody efforts to avoid these deceitful slough's scattered about the Way, I was left one day with no other choice but to take a moment's solace in the middle of one. Lucky chance?

But it gets worse. Experience told me one day that there's no room for people like me in America's version of the Celestial City. Wayfarers don't know how to help people who fall into sloughs. If America's Celestial City isn't a safe place for Slough-trapped farers like me, what else is there to journey toward? Already I lack the strength to creatively lean forward into the future. How can I dream of something better than America's Celestial City?

Perhaps then that's the beauty of an allegory--that's all it really is.

A Paper Doll in a Barbie World

2008-08-11T22:58:00.000-03:00

At least that's what dial-up internet feels like nowadays.

I walked into Best Buy today passing their new catch-phrase slogan posted, um, everywhere, on everything--"You, Happier." I smiled because this slogan was also pasted all over the PC computer screens. "Yeah, right," I thought to myself with a cocky-but-for-good-reasons smile on my face.

I liked to think that my experience has quite ruled out the possiblity that price tags can yeild happiness. But my egg shell worldview shattered to the sound of a modem dialing the number for the world wide web. Forced, though without an agrument, I now know there is a price tag that will and does yeild happiness. It's the price tag attached to high-speed internet. Relative, sure, but then again, you try gmailing a group of friends and facebooking on a dialed-up 40kps connection in 100 mbps world.

All of this to ask, is relying heavily on the internet as my primary means of connection to friends and aquaintences a bad thing, or a wise thing?

This is me hoping I'm nearing the end of an uncharted interlude without a means of a high speed connection to blogging, facebook, and e-mail.

A Simple Question

2008-05-20T23:43:00.000-03:00

Why does it seem that more evil comes of theology than good?

An Epic Transformation

2008-03-25T01:23:00.000-03:00

Today marked the beginning of week number three of my long overdue return to running. Unfortunate for me, what little rhythm I enjoyed was disrupted by a nasty sickness late last week. Today I punched back. But someone else threw a surprise punch. Strapping on my running shoes was very spiritual today. I’ll tell you why. And if you’re up for a dare, I dare you to read this book I wrote.

Thanks to my ever-intrepid job description, I found myself in a high school classroom listening to a German teacher talk about Easter’s roots. According to him, Easter was not the holiday I was always thought. Though this isn’t the point, I did wonder why, if Easter was about the resurrection of Jesus, it dynamically falls on the first Sunday following the first full moon of Spring. I mean, really, what the heck? I figured this much: Easter really has no deep ties to the event of Jesus rising from the dead. Yes, Easter celebrates the resurrection, but thanks to the ever-spreading cliché epidemic, very few know what resurrection really means. Very few actually know deeply, spiritually, experientially, and mystically what this event really means. I resolved to talk to God about this matter, and be cured of the cliché.

And what He taught me more than consumed me—it changed me. I think, like 'abundant life', the story of the resurrection is one of Christianity’s best-kept secrets. That’s because it’s one of, if not the most significant moments in God’s story of redemption. Jesus took the fatal blow for the entire weight of the world’s sin. But God raised him from the dead.

The writer of Hebrews says, “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.” (Heb. 5:7-9)

Paul said of Jesus, “He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.” (Rom.4:25) It’s a fancy phrase that means we are completely made right before God. If Jesus did not rise from the dead, his death would have meant nothing. Jesus,raised from the dead, is the confirmation that what he did is perfectly acceptable to and enough for God to cancel our record of wrongdoing, and replace it with the birthright of a son—something we definitely didn’t nor cannot earn.

The writers of the story could have stopped there and we’d have enough, but God wanted us to know even more. There is more, much more.

The resurrection of Christ was an epic foreshadowing of the most beautiful truth God revealed to his people.

We will be changed.

There’s something far greater than life on earth. Something so great and so mystically beautiful that it radically changes the way one lives on earth. It makes life mean something precious and rewarding unlike anything this world could offer. The resurrection was both a confirmation and a promise for those who embrace the life of Jesus by faith. Paul described it as the unseen. To see it, we must walk by faith, not by sight.

Here’s the point. You and I, we’re tiny, ugly seeds. (At least I’m ugly). That’s how Paul described it anyway. You cannot birth the enormous Oak tree by planting the tree itself. You plant the seed—for it must die before the tree mystically appears. Paul says, “God gives the seed a body as he has determined, to each kind of seed he gives its own body.” (Read 1 Corinthians 15:35-49!) If you think the heavenly bodies of the sun, moon, and stars have splendor, God says that the body he will raise in the place of our flesh will be glorious unlike anything in creation. What is perishable will be raised imperishable. What is dishonorable will be raised in glory. What is weak will be raised in power. What is natural will be raised a spiritual body. The last Adam undid what Adam destroyed, and in the place of natural man, the last Adam became a life-giving spirit! Amazing! As it is written, “Just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man, so shall we bear the likeness of the man from heaven.” (1Cor. 15:49)

And so Paul wrote, “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” If you held it in your hand, it would pass right through you. The creation itself “waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed…We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, be we ourselves who have the firstfruits (taste!) of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption, the redemption of our bodies.” (Rom. 8:18-21)

And so it changes the way we live. There’s something captivating on the horizon. It’s enough to make us hate sin and in its place, walk in newness of life. (Read Rom. 6:1-11) We fix our eyes on what is unseen. We make it our goal to please him, whether we are in our bodies or away from them, that we may receive what is due us for the things we do in this life, whether good or bad. We have more than a reason to endure the most ugly and painful of circumstances. We stand firm, we let nothing move us, and we happily give ourselves fully to the work of the Lord because we all know fully that our labor in this world is not in vain. We suffer and deny ourselves what the world offers us because we have an enduring promise, a kingdom that cannot be shaken. We give up our lives on this earth to persuade humanity to believe in the one who can restore them to life. We give up our lives because only then will we ever really find them deep and wholly in the promise of the resurrection.

Today, I did something stupid. I ran an out and back; I ran out 1.5 miles down hill cursing myself to run back home 1.5 miles uphill. And it hurt, much like hell. The final 800 meters was the steepest part of the hill. In agony, refusing to stop, I ran into an alarming surprise. Turning the sharp corner toward the crest of the hill, there bright in front me stood the sun. It shined intensely into my eyes glued on the finish line. It shined so bright that I all at once forgot about the pain and ran home in the warm company of the sun.

You better believe that God spoke through the sun. He beckoned me to always keep my eyes on the horizon, enduring all of what He places in front of me.

So, what’s on your horizon? Are you watching?

A Good Day

2008-03-22T23:19:00.000-03:00

Today, I cleaned my room, then I vacuumed and dusted. It was a good day. I wore shorts and a long-sleeved shirt. I sat in my trendy chair. I worked on the charcoal portrait for my sister. I listened to good music. I stopped now and then to look out the window. I thought about many things, and tried my best to smile. I made and ate two toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch, and then I drank a cool glass of lemon sun tea. I payed my bill. For dinner, I went out with Justin. Afterwards, we walked around and shopped. I drank a grande vanilla latte. When I returned home, my room was still clean. And now, I will go meet with God in my clean room. It was a good day.

Anxious? Me too

2008-02-25T20:41:00.000-04:00

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and grief to bear,
What a privilege to carry
Everything to him in prayer.
Oh what peace we often forfeit
Oh what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.

Sometimes the most simple truths are the easiest to forget. This song reminded me of one of them. But I wouldn’t call this truth merely simple. No. I’d call it precious and deep, perhaps overwhelmingly simple.

I’m not one to consider myself anxious. But the other day when I heard this song playing in my room, I found tears rolling down my eyes. I remembered something about walking with God. He really cares for me. Here I was not at peace, my mind racing with so many pointless worries and frustrations, anxious about so many problems. Do you think it’s possible that God speaks to us through music? In the middle of my anxiety, the song began playing with this gentle command: “Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side. Bear patiently, the cross of grief obey; cleave to thy God to water and provide…He faithful will remain.”

So much for me not being anxious. Why was I kidding myself? That’s exactly what we are without God. Peter wrote, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Pet. 5:7). Paul wrote, “The Lord is near. Don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Phil. 4:5-6).

Because when we walk with the God who cares for us, he changes us internally. Want to know something beautiful? The verse I quoted continues, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” What if it really was that simple? I don’t care how much you think you are the exception, God is trying to tell us all that he’s the exception. He really does care. He promised true peace. The song says it perfectly—Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Being Found and Finding Healing

2008-02-24T01:17:00.000-04:00

It's been 45 days since I wrote anything at all; it's been 46 days since I wrote anything on my blog. Last night coffee made me lose my mind, and not being able to sleep, I opened my journal and wrote for the first time again. Perhaps one of the three or four who read my blog wonder what happened to me. You've earned an explanation.

I've suffered severely from the disease of me. I was afflicted with a paralyzing case of the 'I can't' syndrome, and it ate away at my heart. In terms of the journey, I got lost. But I was rescued. I was pursued by one named I AM, the I WAS, and I WILL BE--the one who whispers "you can" and who screams mystically, "you have what it takes." This one is also named Jesus, for he is the one "who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father."

I call it being re-awakened. If 46 days ago I was disillusioned, today I'm reoriented--reoriented to my First Love, to what's true, to life again--even to the Church, which his body, which I will write about next.

You see, it's like this: Two weeks ago my sister, my boy Justin, and I got into my car to drive home after eating lunch together. Sure, the sky looked a bit drowsy and the temperature definitely was frigid. Not 5 minutes into our trip home, we ran into one of the worst snow squalls I've ever seen in all my 4 years of seeing snow. Literally, the snow was falling so heavy and the wind was blowing the snow so hard that the visibility vanished instantly. I'm not exaggerating either. There were no warning signs, and there certainly was no way around it. I laughed at first because I love adventure. But when I couldn't see the hood of my car, I stopped smiling--that is because I continued to drive, or I should say crawl down what I hoped was the road. And this is the part of the story called foolishness. My car had no heat, and my engine ran hot when I stopped or drove slow. If we pulled over, we'd freeze, and my car would explode for all I knew. So, foolishly, I drove on as disoriented as could be. It wasn't until we managed to see a glimpse of a green exit sign that we knew where we were. What usually took me 5 minutes, took us 35 minutes. That's what happens when people are disoriented. In fact, some never make it at all. As long as we're talking about the journey as we know it, we must talk about the effects of being disillusioned and disoriented. It was never supposed to be this way. When we finally pulled into the garage, the check engine light finally came on. My car is fixed now, and so am I.

Seven years ago I ventured out on the journey of desire, living out the sacred romance with my Savior, cultivating intimacy with God, walking hand in hand with Him, and learning to take my place in the Story he wrote. Danger was always present and always produced fear in me when I wandered away from the narrow path of life. Children always lose their way when they let go of their Father's hand.

I found his hand again. But more importantly to me, he found mine.

Disillusionment

2008-01-08T19:26:00.000-04:00

4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. (Revelation 2:4-5)

I've arrived at a place in the journey called disillusionment. I haven't the foggiest clue how I got here either. But here I am, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. Disillusionment is a feeling of disappointment resulting from the discovery that something is not as good as one believed it to be. That's where I am with church. And I'm not sure if my questions caused my disillusionment, or disillusionment caused my questions. I know someone will let me know which it is at some point. Why do I see what I see? Why do I care so much? I've asked questions about church before. I get mixed reactions, but very few answers. (by questions I mean, what is it, really?) Each of them though are shot down with some semi-logical explanation. But there is one less easily explained away. Remember the church in Ephesus. The Lord praised the church for their hard work, perseverance, and orthodoxy. They had the exterior image down. But God had one thing against them. They forsook their first love. And his promise? If they didn't return to their first love, He would go to them and remove their lampstand from its place. But here's the question as I heard it asked. If God came to us and removed our lampstand from its place, would we notice?

Time Management

2007-12-19T12:21:00.000-04:00

What is godliness? I've heard it described as "the passionate desire to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ." It's pretty much the goal of Christianity--that we be conformed to the image of Jesus and assist one another in this process. But, sadly, the description falls short of reality. Given an opportunity or space for godliness to have its work, 9 out 10 times we're too pressed for time to even notice. We rush our way out of the Church gatherings--even in seminary, we're anxious to get out of class early. Are we too busy to actually be godly? Can a critical lack of time management actually destroy the space necessary for godliness to have its work? If so, then learning to prioritize my time, be disciplined about my work, and saying "no" might just be very critical to my listening to and walking with the Spirit.

Be Aware

2007-12-13T00:07:00.000-04:00

INTERNATIONAL / AFRICA

Fear of New War as Clashes Erupt on Congo’s Edge

By LYDIA POLGREEN

Published: December 13, 2007

A major confrontation between the Congolese Army and a renegade Tutsi general is plunging the country back toward war

This NY Times article popped up on my news feeder and caught my eye. A major clash is brewing between the Congolese army and a rebel general, which, as the source indicates, threatens to send the unstable democratic nation into severe conflict. What caught my attention is the tension fueling this war. All of it stems back to the Rwandan genocide, an ethnic tension between the Hutu and Tutsis which several years ago brought about the slaughter of 800,000 Tutsis in Congo's neighboring country Rwanda in 1994. If that doesn't mean anything to you yet, did you see the film Hotel Rwanda? The conflict never really went away. As the article explains, these Hutu rebels fled into the Congo, triggering a bloody civil war in 96, and again in 98. The growing conflict has already displaced 800,000 people, many of whom are severely malnourished children. Officials fear there just aren't enough shelters, food, or water for these refugees. But then there's the bloodshed. It's heartbreaking.

I'm sitting in a comfortable living room reading the news in a passive-complacent state of safety. As easy as it is to tune out tragedies like this one, I cannot overcome a sense of interconnectedness with them as fellow-participants in a shared humanity. As a Christian, and especially as a picture of Jesus, how do I respond? How should we? Christian, or not, we share humanity. How do we respond to human suffering like this? We, in the West, are learning to listen. But are we aware? The God I know does not ignore the cries of the oppressed. I for one, will not allow Him to ignore their cries. Adding my voice to theirs, I will pray to my Father "who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations." (see Ephesians 3:20-21)

Re: unChristian

2007-11-27T22:13:00.001-04:00

I just picked up and began reading extensively the new release Unchristian : what a new generation really thinks about christianity...and why it matters, by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. (Baker Books, 2007) I'm currently reading it for a class research project. Under normals circumstances I wouldn't do this, but because this book has already completely shaken my world and opened my eyes to issues enormously critical to the health of the Church in America, I want you to read it. The results of groundbreaking research recently conducted by this team more than surprised me--it made me sick to my stomach. It's a book that demands action, because what it effectively does is reveal our test scores...and they suck.

Students Leaving the Church

2007-11-23T09:18:00.001-04:00

The latest USATODAY poll released August 6 revealed that 70% of the young adults in evangelical churches have quit attending. We're doing a group project right now for a class I'm a part of. And so as I'm researching this topic, I have a prediction I wanted some feedback on. And the question I'm trying to provide an answer for is this: Why are 70% of the young adults no longer going to church?

Young adults can quit going to church because they can quit going to anything. Some say church has become irrelevant and maybe it has, but I say on a deeper level, our terms have become irrelevant--meaning our terms no longer relate or connect to the idea of church in the new testament. It's become a language game, and young adults are tired of it. The USATODAY poll shows that the two leading reasons given by these young adults who stopped going to church are: 1, They need a break, and 2, they found church members hypocritical. And so I wonder. Why hypocritical? Hypocritical, maybe because many of us do speak a different language on Sunday than we do during the week. Hypocritical because maybe the new testament does talk about church as a deeply spiritual, deeply connected and resourceful healing-community. Hypocritical, because maybe the new testament painted the church as a Bride who at one time had lots of very real, very painful problems and blemishes. Hypocritical, because maybe the new testament talks about belonging, giving, loving, or instead rejecting, forsaking, and hating the church. Hypocritical because while all of this might be true on some level, we still continue going to church the way we've always done it--attending an event, sitting in neat rows, looking our best, and going back the next week.

While I know this is only a fraction of the real reasons, and not a blanket statement for all churches that exist, I still want to know how you would respond. I don't even agree completely with my answer, but it haunts me still.

A Reunion

2007-11-19T23:11:00.000-04:00

Spent a weekend with brothers, and left changed, renewed. I'm referring back to a community of brothers that changed my life during few waking years at college. (see Late Nights in Loescher Hall) Mic, the eldest, our leader, married his love. He never missed a moment to lead us--even in his marriage. I'm not talking about the power kind of leadership. I'm not talking about position. If you're looking for positions, you'd consider him the least of us all. (go figure) I'm talking about him, his relationship to us all, who he is, and his vision that hides itself in action--and by action, I refer to the most profound sense of giving I know. Mic speaks into my being and moves me along the journey of change--deep change. It's the change that isn't talked about, but rather, it's the kind felt by people around me. Whether it's filling the role of a brother I never had before in teaching me to treat a girl right, or showing me the heart of a giver so I can never but do the same in a competition type of way, Mic taught me something about community. Give. Nothing more, nothing less. And when you think about it, it is the essence of love. Love in this dimension can only come from one source. The One who Gives what our souls crave--the capacity to give, without limit.

When God Ran

2007-10-24T17:44:00.000-03:00

My friend shared this song with me recently. These words brought tears to me eyes. If only everyone could see God this way. This song was a much needed reminder that failing doesn't stop God from loving me. The song is called "When God Ran" and I suggest you listen to Shaded Red's version.

Almighty God, the great I Am
Immovable rock, omnipotent, powerful, awesome lord
Victorious warrior commanding kind of kings, mighty conqueror

And the only time, the only time I ever saw Him run
Is when He ran to me, took me in his arms
Held my head to his chest, said my son's come home again
Looked at my face, wiped the tears from my eyes
With forgiveness in his voice he said son, do you know I still love you
It caught me by surprise, brought me to my knees
When God ran

The day I left home, I knew I had broken his heart
I wondered then if things could ever be the same
Then one night, I remembered his love for me
And down that dusty road ahead I could see

(chorus)

I saw Him run to me
It caught me by surprise
Brought me to my knees
When God ran

A Perspective on Sleep

2007-10-04T00:41:00.000-03:00

Nothing profound from me tonight, but maybe something to make you smile. I'm reading The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis just because I wanted to read it again plus I want the company before I sleep at night. Regardless, I'm at the beginning of a great escape where Shasta is on the run with his talking horse-companion having escaped from being sold into slavery by his "owner." Shasta meets a princess-in-disguise also leaving her native country for the renowned free land of Narnia. A poor young boy and a miserable princess both flee on talking horses. They inescapably are matched together to overcome the odds of actually fleeing this empire alive and unscathed. And I'm at the part where they work themselves tired debating how to get through the capital city. I love the suggestion,

"We'll settle that tomorrow, Ma'am," said Bree. "Time for a little sleep now."

And so they pressed on in this epic adventure. Sleep lasts a line in this story. And to think I nearly live for sleep, and lament that it doesn't last long enough? Indeed, it's a sad commentary on how easy it is to lose one's place in the epic Story God wrote. The story full of unending life, haunting wounds, looming wars with the evil one, a sacred romance with the Lover, victory, and the promise of life happily ever after. For Shasta and his friends, sleep was a mere pause necessary for their adventure. For me, I craved my sleep at night, and lamented the morning for robbing me of its lure. The love of sleep is a potion concocted by the Evil One to lull us into a sleep so deep that we'd forget all about the urgency and beauty of the Adventure. I think I was awakened from this sleep, though its effects linger still. No point in laboring over it now, I'll settle it tomorrow, "for it's time for a little sleep."

What is Absolute Truth?

2007-09-10T21:59:00.000-03:00

"You do not need to believe in absolute truth to be saved."
-Dr. King

The issue is complex, don't misunderstand me. But, my head spun when I heard this. I'd call it a watershed issue right now in Christianity. We reject postmodernity because they reject "absolute truth." We exalt and defend on all fronts absolute, authoritative Truth. We say we believe in absolute truth because it's our only proof for our belief in the Bible. And this is why in Christian circles, Postmodernity, if talked about, is negative and to be fought. And against these issues, the teacher tonight in my class expressed that postmodernity is a gift to the church and that we as the church need to embrace it. And your reaction? Red flags, right? Because if you're like me, you may have been told what to believe, rather than taught to think critically and creatively.

So think about this: What is absolute truth and why is the denial of it a threat to Christianity? Must a person believe in absolute truth to be saved? What must a person person do to be saved?

So with these questions, I am processing on my blog the information I received tonight. I can see now that Modernity (the scientific, rational, can-be-proven model of thought that brought us to where we are today) was not a friend to the church. Modernity has one absolute truth: "there is no metaphysical truth." (Metaphysical truth is the spiritual truth--it's pretty much what the Bible claims and the concepts we derive from it). Modernity taught us that what can be called truth is anything that you can prove with evidence and reason. Scripture cannot be, and is thrown out.

Perhaps this is why I am so ashamed of the Good News of Jesus...I mean honestly, I am. Modernity has crushed the realm of Supernatural reality out of my usable, everyday existence and subdued it into my private inner world. I'm ashamed because I've been "forced" to think it's not really real; Christianity has resorted to arguing with proof and teaching its people to evangelize in the same manner. And it has left me very discouraged about evangelism. I lack the information. But guess where the power of God lies waiting? Reason? Arguments? Proof ? No. The Power of God lies waiting in the supernatural reality of the Good News. What's my proof? There is none. There never was.

It's because we are saved by faith. We are born into the supernatural family of God by faith. And we live by faith. Paul said it, "I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ for it is the power of God unto salvation for all who believe." Believe.

I was challenged tonight to understand the power of God available to his children. Is Salvation truly the work of the Spirit of God using the Word of God to do the work of God? ...So that we might know Him who is true in the most passionate and intimate and fulfilling of all relationships?

Postmodernity comes along and says, "No absolute truth." And if we're listening, I learned that this means they embrace metaphysical truth as possible. And if they think it's acceptable, are we willing to share how supernatural Truth has radically transformed our journey in this life?

Discovering One Another

2007-08-29T08:02:00.000-03:00

24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, 25 not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25

Consider (2657): "to perceive, remark, observe, understand; to consider attentively, fix one’s eyes or mind upon. 'discover' or 'understand completely' one another (a concern with response)." I was struck by these verses last week. What's amazing is that Jesus has opened a new and living way for us to enter boldly into the holiest of holy places. It's because Jesus has made our hearts pure with the blood of His death, and he has totally cleaned us of our guilt. I capture a sense of what the God of the Most Holy Place desires to talk to me about when I'm with Him. His children. It's why He desires so deeply that his children consider one another, and discover how to provoke another to love. So, see if our Father tells you any differently!

Like a Child

2007-08-19T23:20:00.000-03:00

Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is God's child, and whoever loves the Father also loves the Father's children.2 This is how we know we love God's children: when we love God and obey his commands.3 Loving God means obeying his commands. And God's commands are not too hard for us,4 because everyone who is a child of God conquers the world. And this is the victory that conquers the world—our faith.

1 John 5:1-4

A much respected elder and friend posed the question, "If the heart of christianity is relationship with our Father and with the family members of the household of God, is bigger and more complex really the goal?" As I thought through the implications, I realized that I keep missing the heart of my faith. I keep failing. I keep forgetting. I keep grasping after so much trying to fulfill my role and function. I keep trying to create something better than those who came before me. And I realize how much more complex the system becomes. Do I refuse to believe that Christianity is simple and satisfying? How do I miss the heart of my faith, the relationship I have with my Abba Father, and his other children? And then it hit me. In my efforts to satisfy the cravings of a black hole within me, I have made the profound mistake common to none other than a little child--a child who forgets who he really is. It is these little boys whom the Father seeks with His grace and love. The truth is, I am nonetheless a precious child of my heavenly, Abba, Father, who loves me with an undeniable, unending, deeply-satisfying love. I am a member of His beloved Family. I have brothers and sisters who easily run astray, just like me. We need our Father, and we need each other. So pray for me, that I might understand these truths and live as a child for the sake of my other brothers and sisters in the midst of a dark and oppressive battle.

Today's Cost for a Biblical Education

2007-08-08T18:34:00.000-03:00

College tuition. Necessary evil, right? It's the standard, and there's no point questioning it. It causes nasty debt problems, though surprisingly some can look through it. That is, the risk can return much higher dividends. (See instruction manual to The Game of LIFE) I understand the concept, hate the reality. And that's fair.

But then there's Bible College. Bible Colleges train students for ministry in the church of Jesus Christ via a Biblical education. In its essence, these schools train students to be leaders in the Church among the followers of Jesus Christ. However, Bible Colleges vary little, if any, in terms of tuition costs. Plus, a Bible college student can forget picking a yellow, green, or red colored salary card. (For more information, play: The Game of Life) Meaning--the salary to follow in no way provides a compensation for the debt incurred while being trained for ministry leadership.

So here's the growing problem. It seems that only the wealthy (or wealthy churches) can afford to sends their students to Bible college. I have a friend who is sitting out of college because she cannot afford Bible college right now. I have several friends who dropped out of Bible college for the same reasons. And recently, my sister found out why she cannot receive her Bachelor's degree at a Bible college--and believe me, she wants to learn the Bible.

Here's the details. Put down $60,240 if you want to be equipped for full-time Christian service via classes alone. Put another $22,400 down if you want the full experience. (That's R423,396.12 [4yr tuition]; R157,438.40 [4yr dorm living] for my South African friends) With that said, the reason for my tears is the growing awareness that maybe it's not supposed to be this way. And by "it," I mean the training of servants in the Church.

And that's why I'm writing this now. Why do we rely on "schools" to do the equipping and training of people for church ministry? When did we depart from leaders being grown, prepared, equipped, and employed in the Church, from the Church, by the Church, and for the Church? Why does it cost so much money in America for students to receive a quality Biblical Education?

When will we be open to a shift in leadership training? My 23 year experience in the middle of all this has taught me one important truth. Ministry Leadership is all about Christ-like battle-forged, suffering-empowered, and age-rewarding character. The leadership skills required are to be passed down and entrusted--not payed for (2tim 2:2). For those of who are able to be in Bible College, my hope is that you would think these things through and waste no time learning all that you are can while you can. Maybe we need to talk about these things before the game is over. :)

Great Harvest

2007-08-06T23:10:00.000-03:00

36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."
-Matthew 9:36-38

There was a disturbance in the force as I read these words. Sheep without a shepherd. Compassion. Harassed and helpless. He saw the crowds. And then He said to his followers, "The harvest is plentiful...Ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into his harvest field." I found notes from a message by Jamie Miller some four years ago. In his message he asked, "Are you willing to pray this prayer today? And more importantly, are you willing to be the answer to your prayer?" (Thanks, Jamie)

But here's the thing: Is the harvest truly plentiful? It was in Jesus' day, no doubt, but today? Probably not, if it's just a harvest field. But it's the Lord's harvest field. He said it's huge. And he wants workers to go out into it. If there's something that we ought to be praying, we must pray that the Lord of the harvest will send out workers into his harvest field. There are thousands of young adults around me. Pray that I would see people like Jesus does. The Harvest is more plentiful now than ever before.

Life as of 18:24 on 23 July 2007

2007-07-23T19:04:00.000-03:00

Currently in the middle of an 8 week summer therapeutic camp. I like to think of it as God's Seminary for life. I'm working with 18 beautiful "troubled" children along with 3 other staff members and an "educated" therapist. I'm responsible for 5 of those 18. Learning: bundles.

I'm still trying to clean my room officially. We've begun excavating our landscaping project, which is becoming a journey garden. My white board is still waiting for my colorful ideas. I'm currently trying to figure out how to scale the Atlantic Ocean. Relationships with my family of friends are blooming; ministry in the church is rewarding. And, being single is dauntingly resourceful. Feeling: Completely.

I've updated my photo journal if you want to check it. That's it for now. I'm off to a book club meeting. (it's going to be fabulous)

Something Beautiful

2007-07-01T01:01:00.000-03:00

I love moments where I see the picture of my life and I see something beautiful and dangerous wrapped up in one. I know that sounds morbid, narcissistic, and unwonted, but it's not. It's needed. What's beautiful is seeing all the pieces in play and viewing them with hope, and not despair. It's the refusal to play small, and the willingness to dream big. I realize that I have the capacity to influence people. But fear torments me into resignation, and thus removing me from the story altogether. What's my fear? I don't have what it takes. (Play small). But what's the truth? God didn't save me to play small. God didn't save me to live a pseudo-life in this world going to church every week and speaking a foreign language that the rest of the world cannot understand. (That, though, is what playing small tends to look like).

No. God scripted something dangerous into my story. I am able to express my heart and passion in words. I can create something beautiful with my pencil. I have a craving to learn other languages so I can listen to people's hearts. I studied Spanish for two years, and now have an insatiable nagging to finish the job. I have an intense desire to learn. I am a listener. I think deeply. I yearn deeply. I care deeply. I need people in my life. I know people need me. I am burdened for continent of Africa. I am single, and can at any moment pack what little I possess and travel onward. I have a passport. I can make a living out of my knowledge of computers, my skill in sketching architecture, capturing life with my camera, and my interpersonal communication skills, to name a few. But yes, dangerous. Dangerous because all of these things at any moment could be forfeited and wasted by living a life separated from the only source of Life--Giving up one's life, serving humanity, being a blessing instead of constantly asking for a blessing. It's what Jesus lived and taught, because by dying he gave us permission to truly live--and live, not small, but big. After all, Didn't God deliver us from the dark side and unleashed the true Light into our hearts?

And so I ask, "Self, what if your abilities weren't meant to land you a high paying job in comfort and luxury? What if your abilities were a gift from God as a higher calling to be used up to the full in the giving up of your life for your neighbor, helping him become a better person, and inviting others to do the same.

And that is something beautiful--the potential for a life lived for the glory of God--a life fully lived. What if it were really true? What if freedom is the bridge between the potential and the kinetic. What's dangerous in my excuse tonight. What's beautiful is activity of God rescuing a failed life, and releasing him or her into the world to love the world like Him.

The Body or Money?

2007-05-29T22:44:00.000-03:00

Ephesians 4:11-13 (11) And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, (12) for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, (13) till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ;

I was recently invited down a path of examining the Scriptures posing the question, "What is mandated by the Bible about the Church's ministry?" While Gardening today, I was reflecting on the issue of "candidating " for "full-time" ministry positions. Wondering, I turned to this passage in my mind. What should drive us: Money-positions or the people in our lives?

Paul seems to emphasize in this passage that the purpose of any role in the Body of Christ is the building up of The Body, which is the people of God. He indicates a structure of how this is to happen, but he seems to emphasize the goal above anything else, repeating it and describing it with passion and tender words. Do we take this goal seriously? What if I was motivated by the desire for the body to come to the unity of the Faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God as we grow into the fullness of Christ? Would that still motivate me if the church couldn't afford to pay me in a full-time position? If the saints can work in the world to support their role in the body of Christ, can the Pastor or Teacher? So, should we be driven by money or the people God places in our lives? I'm not sure it's totally one or the other. But I wonder how seriously we consider the health of the body and our contribution to the body's growth as we each do our part in ministering to one another in love. Would anything change?

Yearning for the Sea

2007-05-19T01:43:00.000-03:00

"If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea." -Antoine De Saint

Spoken from a true pilot, adventurer, and writer. I share his blood. When a friend of mine sent me this quote, I immediately began reflecting on how closely we resemble his words. Is it not a fitting description of our attitudes? We have become aware of a relationship with God but we've for some reason or another traded in the passionate, 'Sacred Romance' of a relationship for a caffeine-free, reheated-yet-still-lukewarm cup of Foldgers in the form of a dutiful, obligated religion. While I'm sure we may want people to have a relationship with God, I'm not sure our actions are helping. Do we want to convince people to build a boat, or do we want them to yearn for the endless sea? Do we want people to "get saved," start going to church, tithing, and serving as a greeter every Sunday? Or do we want them to yearn for Sacred Romance found in a passionate, intimate love relationship with the true living God, to be free, to experience oneness with God and with His family? Do we invite them to experience what it means to be truly alive and free because God rescued us from our darkness so we could once and for all truly live?

We're getting really efficient at 'building the boat' in the Church. And sadly, there are many in churches who are secretly growing tired of building the boat. The question is, how long will people put up with the arduous task of piecing together a boat? It's time for a re-awakening, for someone to speak to our dying hearts and teach us to yearn for the "endless immensity of the sea." Maybe then that boat building task will then happen all on its own as we together take up the quest in pursuit of our destiny.

This has been a powerful reminder me for me in my quest for the God of the Bible (The Story). Yearn. Long. Teach humanity to yearn for the most dazzling of all romances: When God woos the heart of man. It is an adventure God has set in our hearts. We realize it in our deepest pains and happiest joys. But, will it motivate us to yearn for the intimacy God offers?

Finding Mr. Right--an Idol?

2007-05-12T00:55:00.000-03:00

I had an amazing conversation with a friend of mine tonight. We were talking about why Christians give up on Christianity. He said something that got me going. Here's the observation. A Christian guy is growing used to being rejected by Christian girls who won't give the guy a chance. But this Christian guy is approached and frequently made offers by non-Christian girls who are very attractive and intelligent. After being rejected enough times, he begins to wonder why he tries again, and decides that it isn't worth it anymore. This is heart-breaking, no? What does this reveal about our relationships in the body of Christ? I know what it's like to hold out for "the perfect relationship" at the expense of a friendship. It's sad, but true. And to make matters worse, non-Christians know this better than we Christians do. And there's only so much this Christian guy can take. Before long, I wouldn't blame him for giving up. What about you? What would relationships look like if we valued friendship above being girlfriend and boyfriend?

What is love?

2007-04-27T17:24:00.000-03:00

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 corinthians 13:4-7)

I was challenged recently by the "what is it-ness" of love. :) If you are wondering why I "love" to talk about "love," I hope this may help you. Because, this is is my understanding of love. The world may say love is "spending time with people, giving people stuff, doing things for people, writing them e-mails all the time and sending flowers, marrying someone, etc." I don't care. I want to be this. I want to be known to be like this. I want to imitate this. I want to do what it causes me to do. I'm obsessed because this kind of love has found me, and rescued me from a dull, boring life. How can I not be obsessed? I was blind, but now I see. And dog-gone everything else. I want you, my brothers and sisters to be this too.

God really really really loves you

2007-04-20T23:15:00.000-03:00

Do you love God? I hope you do, because you are invited to. Because God really really really loves you. Don't be afraid to enter into an intimate love relationship with Him. Just think, that's the one thing that your enemy is dedicated to keep from happening. Is it working? He knows what he's doing. So are you willing to struggle openly (instead of privately/secretly) along side of your brothers and sisters to do all that you can together to stand up against the Devil's purposes? Remember, our struggle isn't against flesh and blood. If it were, we'd be good at loving God, and our efficiency would actually help our cause. But, no, our struggle is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Efficiency doesn't cut it. Neat orderly sermons don't cut it either. A spiritual, intimate love relationship with our Abba Father which takes place as we abide in Him and He abides in us, and pours out His love into our hearts and we do His will and take our stand against evil will cut it. And it does cut it. It cuts deep into our hearts and we thrive. What if our struggle really was against cosmic powers over this present darkness and spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places? No, it couldn't be, because our theologies don't have room for this to be true. As some friends I know would say it, "Shame." Need I say it again? I mean, I for one thrive on this.....God really really really loves you.

Love

2007-04-13T00:11:00.000-03:00

Without love, the outward work is of no value; but whatever is done out of love, be it ever so little, is wholly fruitful. For God regards the greatness of love that prompts a man, rather than the greatness of achievement.
Thomas à Kempis

There's great fear and great hope in this statement. Can it be true that without love, my work is of no value? What if it were true? And what if love really did flow out of an intimate love relationship with God from the heart? This would explain why we don't love, and fail to find love. We don't know how to love because love does not penetrate the masks we wear. And very few people are brave enough to expose their true selves long enough to experience Love. And this is why bad things have happened to our understanding of love.

Why do people strip the emotion and feeling from love? Because both our understanding and experience of love is broken, and we broke it. And the pieces that remind us of this make us very very uncomfortable and we are really good at hiding the evidence (but like the boy who stole the cookie, though we may hide the crumbs, we forget that the chocolate is smeared all over our face). Love flows from the heart, and is the product of intimacy with God, who is Love. Intimacy is impossible outside of the heart. Unfortunately for us, we are incapable of love because we've sold our hearts to the Devil, traded them in for duty and efficiency in living "Christian" lives. What am I talking about? We've been convinced for years that our hearts are desperately wicked. And who can know...it's not true...anymore? And we wonder why we love so little? (man that's a deep consideration)

So connect the dots. If the heart is broken, hurting, wicked, and neglected, and this is the only place intimacy can occur, how can we expect to love God with our whole heart? And worse, love each other? Why has my Christian faith been boiled down to a mere information transfer of lists of what I should believe and do? And why have I least been taught how to be a lover of God from the deep heart Jesus gave me and showed the way of intimacy?

There's a dangerous enemy, that's why. He knows that love is point of Christianity. He knows that it really is all about love. He knows how to keep us from believing that. And worse, He wants to steal the heart from all of us. Please guard your heart. If you've lost it, get it back. It's time that we learned how to be intimate with God with our hearts. Step one, remove your mask. (God sees through it anyhow, and He loves what He sees)

David

2007-04-10T23:32:00.000-03:00

David is only 7 months old, and already the enemy is on the attack on the character of His God. He suffers from a artery running in the wrong direction in his throat and pushing up against his esophogus, causing some problems. Pray for my nephew, pray for his healing, and pray for his mommy and daddy as they do everything the can to help him. Doctors are hopeful, but as Christians, we have hope they do no understand. I love this kid.

All of That to Say This

2007-04-10T17:21:00.000-03:00

How much of what I did yesterday was out of love for God, my Father? Is that not the Great Commandment? To love the Lord our God with all our body parts? Maybe this is why love is so difficult, and why Christians are so bad at it. If we love, it's obvious that God lives in us and God's love is made complete in us. Love is the whole point. It's the title of the story. There is more than meets the eye. How should I love?

The Mosaic Generation, Buddha, and My Thoughts on Writing

2007-04-10T16:35:00.000-03:00

I just sat here figuring out how to talk about Monday without using passive voice until I realized what I was doing. People who dedicate their lives to setting rules for grammar need Jesus, or someone who brings meaning to unsatisfied lives. Maybe Buddha? Books being written today trump books written yesterday, and they all add sentences that fail to pass the MLA ADD APA or whatever-you-call-it standard. Like this one. (Is it a sentence? No, but really, it is. It communicates thought). Why? Because writing is communication, and communication is a substantial part of doing relationships. My fellow Mosaics aren't satisfied with the way Boomers and friends taught us to relate...and frankly, books can improve. For instance, there are some who write because they have to prove they can use words that no normal person can pronounce, not to mention understand. They do the opposite of relate (except for some reason, those who read them, relate good only to one another). Anyway, I enjoy talking above reading. I understand people so much better this way, and not much unlike this generation of mine. So, today's books are blurring the lines of print and voice. Bloggers and their blogs are leading the way. Blogs are becoming step one in the publishing process, and are causing problems for some companies who depended on their monopolies and nobility to rule the roost. I like that. :) Interestingly enough, people either become frankly real, or completely fake. However, people are more willing to share their deepest darkest secrets over the web than they are willing to share it with a friend. Check out POST SECRET for an alarmingly relevant and accurate dose of reality. Why? My guess is that people are hungry for something they do not have and cannot find. Something they know deep down inside they were made for. Do you want to know what it is? (the worm-hole is deep, just so you know, and I think I'm going to watch Matrix again to find out again) But all of that to say that I took Monday by the horns and lived it up. I looked at interior design books with my mom in Borders. I talked with Jesus in the car. I worked on electrical outlets in the basement we are converting into house. I watched Gridiron Gang at my friend's house. Monday and I were friends when I fell asleep. I sincerely wish I could say the same about Tuesday.

Holy Irony

2007-04-05T01:10:00.000-03:00

Jesus was man-centered. Jesus was a man, and He chose to live like one so that today I, though a man, may live like God.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (Peter)

The Great Tragedy

2007-04-03T00:55:00.000-03:00

There once was a man who was caught in sin. He was immediately taken to a meeting of Christians. Exposed before them all, he said nothing as each one of these Christians whipped him, jabbed him in the back, and spit on him. They condemned him, and left him in a gutter to soak up his tears. Somehow he managed to drag his wounded body back home. At least there his family tended to his wounds, washed him of his filth, and nursed him back to health. But he wasn't the same anymore. The more time that passed, the more hollow this man seemed. He was a kind man, and a hard worker. He had dreams like everyone else, but above all, it beame obvious that this man was seeking one thing. A safe place, where arms of compassion would welcome him home, where sweet mercy falls like rain, and where a band of brothers would fight for him and never leave him behind. He sought a place called grace.

And then this man received a chance to try again. He took it, but reluctantly, because all he wanted was that place. But his reluctance turned to hope when he heard rumors that this was that place. He tasted excitement when more and more people talked about something that sounded so strongly like this place. There he walked into another meeting of Christians with the memory of his stoning still weighing heavy on his heart. And much to his surprise, they listened to the account of his horrifying experience of being caught in sin and they accepted him. He was convinced that it would only be a matter of time before these men extended their arms of compassion to welcome him home, show him sweet mercy, and fight along side of him never to leave him behind.

While the men acted like they belonged to this place, this never happened. He excused their distance, and went on with life as he always knew it to be: hard, painful, and lonely. As the weeks passed, tears constantly filled the man's eyes. Reminders of this place called grace tormented his weak heart. He longed to meet Jesus, but he was trapped with strong men who maintained their distance. It was true, they had good excuses why the man wasn't welcomed into their safe place. One claimed it would be too awkward for himself if the man were included. Another feared that the leader would probably hurt the man instead of help him. Some were uncomfortable with sins being confessed. Others of them believed their culture couldn't handle it. Their women seemed perfect, and could not tolerate a man's weakness. This made these men afraid of letting a sinner into their safe place because their wives would never understand. And that's just it--they were afraid. They never tried. They went on with their lives as usual, and soon forgot all about him.

But months later, when they finally remembered the man, it was too late. The enemy attacked. He found the man in total isolation and ambushed him with accusation until he fell apart. The man fought back, but he was too weak, and he fell. His family agonized over this tragedy, but none of the people knew how to help them. They never learned how in Sunday School. They never were taught by their Teacher. So they did what they've always done: put on a smile, and pretend like everything's okay. And it worked. And don't worry, it really is okay. The man got to meet Jesus. And Jesus wrapped him in His arms of compassion, washed him with tears of joy, and welcomed him home. And there, in the arms of Jesus, he found the sweet mercy that fell like rain. There, he met his Band of Brothers who would never leave him behind. And the man was fully alive for the first time in his life. (and it was he to whom eternal life was given)

*I wrote this parable or story a year ago to express a deep longing in my heart for the church to put down the stones and unveil the A's we all wear deep inside. That longing was re-awakened tonight, and so I post it, yet again. My prayer is that someone will read this and consider what the Spirit wants us to become for the sake of one another in this battle of life. Or, will we continue to hide, and pretend, while the world around us is destroyed.

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6
"If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen." 1 John 4:20
see John 8:1-11

Just a Question

2007-03-17T17:17:00.000-03:00

When will we quit talking about all this reformed, calvinistic, christocentric crap and start being Christ to desperate, dying people? When will we stop criticizing people for getting to lovey-dovey with Christ and start loving Him with mind, heart, and soul? I think my friend Brandon is right in saying that we honor Christ with our lips, but our hearts are so far from Him. Happy St. Patrick's Day. :)

Re: Homosexuality Research Article

2007-03-16T17:31:00.000-03:00

I just found an Albert Mohler article that snagged my attention for a bit. It's actually an interesting article, and I'd say pretty valuable to read.

But, one of his conclusions irritated me as inconsistent. he said the following:
"8. If a biological basis is found, and if a prenatal test is then developed, and if a successful treatment to reverse the sexual orientation to heterosexual is ever developed, we would support its use as we should unapologetically support the use of any appropriate means to avoid sexual temptation and the inevitable effects of sin."

I say irritated because isn't this trumping God? Is He still good if he allows a baby to be born with a homosexual predisposition or whatever? What about the mothers who will not be able to afford such a patch, if one is ever developed? Will the church shun and point fingers at her baby while flaunting the pure and the fixed in the churches who were wealthy enough? That conclusion seems really out of place for such a good article. How would this statement make a homosexual feel who currently struggles with accepting himself because of his struggles? It blatantly says to me, "oh, if their's a patch or medicine to fix the gays, Christians will be the first in line!"

An appropriate means to avoid sexual temptation. I think of a few medical procedures that would remove sexual temptation as a possiblitiy. Is that necessarily our task as Christians, to avoid ourselves? I mean what about a medical procedure that removes my sin nature? How far do we go to "avoid." I can understand avoiding certain places, or the internet, being alone, etc. But this? Is this too far?

I thought there already was a patch. Only the patch was a living human being and God. Let's say that we know that my baby boy is going to struggle as a heterosexual pervert? Should I invent a patch to make him "normal?" Or, should I teach him about Jesus, and help him learn how to follow Him and become like Him? Either way, it doesn't exempt me from God overcoming my Mr. Fix-it efforts, and blowing me to pieces by his amazing, unfair, life-changing grace. (don't bother commenting unless you read Mohler's article)

another question: which of the following should be recognized as a part of the process of sanctification (God's will):
-a patch that prevents me from being gay
-struggling with homosexual thoughts and actions from birth to death.

Sayid Jarrah and other things

2007-03-15T21:06:00.000-03:00

My illness knocked me back a couple yards, but I'm right back at it. Satan's busy doing his worst, and I guess I'll keep edging him to do worse. Keeps me young. I've re-watched LOST season one, and I am creeping ever so closer to the heart of this crazy good show, and am fascinated by the deeper story. I won't explain. I'm keeping this to myself for a while. Sayid is more than ever my favorite character on the show. I'm obsessed I think. He's amazing. The show's amazing. Anyway, polo blue anyone? I've concluded that scientists know a lot about not knowing many things for sure. (Christians aren't much better, it's just that we're very protective of what we say we know...really protective) But what scientists do give themselves to knowing, blows my mind away. But scientists.. Where did planets come from? Do you have the time to listen to what empirical science says? Sure, it's okay what known facts plus imagination and a lot of faith can evolve into, forgive the pun. I totally accept the theory as valid. Planets are star's waste material. Matter is the result of nuclear fission of H and He mols.. etc. Cool. But I'm wondering if this really satisfies the human's craving for answers. I mean who stinking cares? What I want to know is how is my life going to change. If science cannot make man exist at his pure best, then what can is going to. How is my heart going to change. How is my character going to change so that I stop being so self-serving and self-focused and become a little more helping towards people, responsible for my actions in my environment, loving towards the unlovely, and faithful towards those who really need me? Science sure does a good job at making us more certain in our uncertainty of everything that isn't for certain, in knowing that life means nothing, and comes from nothing. But science makes me ask more questions, ones that mean a lot deeper. Now, after hearing a particular, smart scientist ramble on about a space rock from mars and having to worry about explaining the scientific end of the earth, I think I might be a whole lot more willing to listen to the self-acclaimed God of the universe who met his own requirements for a perfect life of religion and sacrifice because we can't, extends grace and love to all who will come by faith, who's totally good even though we are worlds aren't, and will extend justice to all who are willing because He stinking loves us! (not only that, but who promises to give scientists the playground of eternity if only they too will let Him into their brilliant imaginations!) Life is so much better when I'm off my high horse. It really is fulfilling to be the little guy looking into the sky and, holding Daddy's hand, say, "Wow," while not ceasing to ask really big questions only to look back up at him smiling down at us and saying nothing because He loves to hear us talk and knows exactly the right time to answer our questions, and when he does, the suspense and awe drive us made with joy! Quit fooling around with foolish questions, and let your heart run wild with bigger questions that were meant for a god to answer. And let your imagination allow your foolish mind to believe that just maybe these questions really were meant to woo you into the most breathtaking relationship possible. I dare you.

What is a Christian?

2007-03-11T00:40:00.000-04:00

What is a Christian? (since everyone claims to be one) Someone who goes to church and is never supposed to miss Sunday morning services, Sunday School, Sunday evening service, or Wednesday Night "Prayer" Meeting (Bible study). Someone who never swears, drinks alcohol or appears to drink alcohol. Someone who refuses to go to restaurants that serve alcohol or allow smoking. Someone who doesn't bet. Someone who reads their Bible and prays before every meal in public. Someone who is a Republican and criticizes the Democratic party. Someone wears a coat and a tie on Sunday. Someone who is confident that they are going to heaven when they die. Someone who is supposed to witness to the unsaved. Someone who is supposed to give 10% of his income to the church. (is this enough?)

My heart is breaking as I write these things. Please understand that I am not trying to criticize anyone. I'm only being real about my internal struggle to understand how Jesus and His message fit together with a Baptist church and its message. Tears fill up my eyes and I crave honest discussion with people who don't have all the answers...people who love Jesus more than John Calvin, or John Piper. People who are willing to stop, pick up the Samaritan, and tend to his wounds.

Is this really what a Christian is? Then if "Christian" really means "Little Christ" then how is that most of these fail to describe Jesus himself? A Christian goes to church. Jesus went to a physical synagogue, but he never went to church, in fact, he probably doesn't understand that phrase. A Christian doesn't drink alcohol, smokes, or swear. Jesus drank wine, and gave wine to his friends supernaturally. He hung out with people who were known to get drunk. I think he might have swore at the Pharisees, but I don't know that for sure. Christians don't go to bars or places that have an atmosphere of smoke and alcohol. Jesus went to the houses of notorious sinners, smokers, drug-addicts. I doubt he was concerned about appearance. Christians argue about theology, while Jesus argued with the theologians. Christians are segregated, while Jesus destroyed it on the cross. Christians condemn the lost and the wayward while Jesus loved them so much he left the healthy to find them, heal them and give them a drink of water.

My heart is bleeding. When will this nightmare end? When will I understand what Jesus wanted from His followers? When will I have the courage and faithfulness to stand for what He did? I crave the abundant, victorious life of faith, love, and hope.

Re: New Outcomes

2007-03-08T18:26:00.000-04:00

"I imagine churches that believe deep friendships change people. [...] When wer'e not careful, our churches can lose the spirit of true hospitality and friendship that are the core of life-changing relationships. When I speak of hospitality, I don't mean a lunch-in-the-church-basebment kind of hospitality. I mean something that takes the kindness and generosity of those meals and adds a new level of vulnerability. This vulnerability is a step beyond accountability. Accountability assumes a person will do her own work as she seeks to live a Christian life while others will do what they can to keep her on track. Vulnerability is a call beyond merely asking others to hold us to living in the way of Jesus [following Jesus :)]--it's inviting them to participate in our efforts to do so. Vulnerability allows those around us to paticipate in our redemption [...]" (p.167).
(Pagitt, Doug, Preaching Re-imagined: the Role of the Sermon in Communities of Faith, Zondervan, 2005)

(me) It's so easy to leave change up to Sunday Morning, Sunday School, Sunday Evening, and Wednesday night preaching. It's easy to think that change is supposed to happen as I read my Bible and pray every day. But would you think I was heretical if I said that I don't think the Bible teaches this? (not to mention I don't think it works, but you'll have to ask me why)

Change is rooted in close friendships. Change is the product of people living out what it means to live together in fellowship with the Spirit and Jesus' blood (see 1 John 1). Accountability is for Joe at PNC bank, or Beth at McDonalds. It's for anyone. But, not vulnerability. Not spirt-led speaking into the lives of our brothers and sisters. Even Sermons though. It may be harder for some than others, but nearly anyone can spend 30 hours on a text of Scripture with ample books preparing a cookie cut out sermon to "deliver" to people complete separated from where they really are in their lives. But not vulnerability. Only those who drink from true, Living Water have the drive to be vulnerable enough to invite another into his story so true building can take place. What would our churches look like if Sunday morning was a corporate, community sermon, being vulnerable was the cost of entrance, and the pews were spelled "SAFETY" ? Seriously, what would we look like?

We are emerging

2007-03-06T17:44:00.000-04:00

“I’m going shopping later with my sister, I wonder what I will buy. I love driving fast. I can’t stand it when people don’t use their cruise control. Ugh, I hate it even more that they cause me to cancel mine. It looks so beautiful out, but man, it’s so stinking cold. We are the emerging church. I…..WHAT?"

I was driving home from work today when that thought intruded my glorious i-Pod inspired thoughts. What ensued was as follows.

“We are the emerging church.”

I admit, I’m sick of all the emerging church critiques. I’m sick of all the misunderstandings driving it all. I wonder if we have forgotten that the word emerging had meaning before it was paired with church. You see, emerging means rising, forthcoming, becoming, not yet but will be. Whether you agree with it or not, if you are part of my generation you are emerging. We are not yet, but we will be. Right? And the question of the day is, then, what will we become?

It reminds me of way back when when the scientists of the day were being challenged by an emerging thought and discovery that the earth was not flat, but round. And whether people agreed with it or not, the discovery emerged and the earth was no longer flat (even though it never was. reality is collectively what we make it). And people had to reorient themselves and their belief system to this emerging idea, which we all know now became proven fact.

Throw away all the opinions for a moment. Would you just wonder for a moment? Whether you like it or not, and whether you agree or you don’t, we are the emerging church. The question isn’t whether you agree with “the emerging church” or you don’t. The question is what kind of church will we (you) become? We might become just like the churches we grew up in, the way we are taught to do church in our schools because it’s the way we’ve always done it. Or, we will become a church that looks more like Christ than it did in past years, and a church willing to follow Christ in the way like we haven’t before, a church defined by Spirit-led improvement. I daresay that you don’t disagree that our goal is indeed to improve, and become more like Christ than we were before. Why then is it wrong to want to improve on the way we think about and do church? Geez, I’m passionate about improving, changing, and becoming like Jesus. I have found, as I imagine the round earth people found, that it takes a large amount of energy and creativity to innovate and explore endless possibilities of what will soon be, not just can be. It takes an even larger amount of courage to be willing to change the way we think about and do church, if indeed we have been given the freedom to change, and perhaps, we are truly listening to the whispering of the Spirit. I’m not saying that it is a list of new facts that we have to accept. It’s mystery that we must be courageous enough to embrace as we ponder what it is that God is asking us to become today as His people who are to be living out His mission for the world (or more eloquently controversially put, becoming a greater expression of the kingdom of God).

I’m sick of all the crap that we throw around about emerging-church-this or Brian McClaren that. If you aren’t willing to emerge into something better, more like Jesus, then what is your desire, if any? Only true followers of Jesus have what it takes to listen for the voice of God and hear the whispering of the Spirit. Are we willing to embrace the unknown and lean out into the future without holding on to tradition for the sake of, tradition? And just like the people had to reorient themselves to new realities of a round earth, we will together follow Jesus into the changing world He sends us to rescue from darkness and destruction.

So, if you’re looking for something practical, here’s what I got. The truth and the facts don’t change. (it is Truth). It’s our understanding and expression of it that must continually change. Will you harness the creative energy and potential to dream about a new expression of what it means to be Christ followers on a 2000 year-old mission upon a round earth? (um, you have to cross the line, no?)

Magical Days

2007-03-05T17:41:00.000-04:00

What has following Jesus looked like in your story lately? I've pondered my own answer to this question lately, or at least, whenever I pull out my journal. I love Jesus, but do I walk like Him? If I love Him, I walk with Him, and will walk like Him. Can it really be that simple? I mean was this the goal Jesus had in mind for His followers? If so, we have problems. The question becomes, how did Jesus walk? For if we are truly followers, then we will be the answer to that question. Church becomes a group of people living out the faith, journeying toward God together and taking part in the work of God on earth. Wasn't that a summary of the life of Jesus?

Hanging out tonight with guys who were smoking and drinking reminded me of where we ought to live out these stories. And being around guys who visibly have pain and hardships in the same ways I do reminded me that we are both human. Church is a gathering, not a center. It is a gathering of the followers of Jesus scattered about in the world in which they live and are members of. Church is the expression of the heartbeat of the work God is doing around us. The work happens as we seek to understand and live out His story for the sake of our friends, and thus be an expression of the healing touch of God.

This doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. One thing I've figured out about the body of Christ lately is that sometimes following Christ means seeing Him in other people. I saw Him this weekend. I saw Him in Kenny. I saw Him in Corey. And what would you do when you're ambition is to become like Him? Appreciate, and imitate. Imagine that. Imitating each other because we see Jesus in each other. Wow.

I experienced a magical day or two this weekend. God was winking at me. I'm trying hard to wink back.

Grace isn't fair

2007-02-23T23:39:00.000-04:00

"I marvel at Jesus' tenderness in dealing with people. John gives the account of Jesus' impromtu conversation with a woman at the well. In those days the husband initiated the divorce:this Samaritan woman had been dumped by five different men. Jesus could have begun by pointing out what a mess the woman had made of her life. Yet he did not say, "Young woman, do you realize what an immoral thing you're doing, living with a man who is not your husband?" Rather he said, in effect, I sense you are very thirsty, Jesus went on to tell her that the water she was drinking would never satisfy and then offered her living water to quench her thirst forever.

I try to recall the spirit of Jesus when I encounter someone of whom I morally disapprove. This must be a very thirsty person, I tell myself. I once talked with the priest Henri Nouwen just after he had returned from San Francisco. He had visited various ministries to AIDS victims and was moved with compassion by their sad stories. "They want love so bad, it's literally killing them," he said. He saw them as thirsty people panting after the wrong kind of water. When I am tempted to recoil in horror from sinners, from "different" people, I remember what it must have been like for Jesus to live on earth. Perfect, sinless, Jesus had every right to be repulsed by the behavior of those around him. Yet he treated notorious sinners with mercy and not judgment." (from Yancey's remix version of What's so amazing about grace?)

The Mercy of Rejection

2007-02-15T02:43:00.001-04:00

It's one of those moments. I'm listening to The Fray and reflecting on a conversation just had with a close friend of mine. I was reminded of how difficult it really is to look squarely at Jesus and follow him. It's so easy to look behind you and say, "Lord, what about him?" Just like Peter. So unlike Jesus.

I hate being misunderstood. I hate being misinterpreted. I love honesty and hate dishonesty—even in myself. I hate rejection. I hate failure. But tonight, I found the beautiful in a moment where all I could taste was my own blood.

I know the mercy of rejection. Mercy screams to us in our pain, to borrow from C. S. Lewis. God does here what He does best. He loves. He loves deeply.

“Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don’t know why/hold on tight/wait for tomorrow/you’ll be alright.” (The Fray’s Heaven Forbid) It haunts us, doesn't it?

We were talking about relationships. Girls. Guys. I guess it’s easy to think that we know what we need and know how to get it. It’s hard when we don’t get what we need and realize we never did know how to get it. There’s something happening in Christian circles when it comes to girls and guys in relationships. It’s a mess, but that’s not my point.

One or two of us makes sense of this mess and they do it right. We want their story and we say to our Lord, “What about him?” And maybe then we should hear his response, “What is it to you if he marries and lives happily ever after? You follow me.” (see John 21) Maybe if we understand that all along the definition of wait was always to meet Jesus in the feelings of hopelessness, rejection, and remorse. Untouched, unbridled mercy awaits the wounded who venture into the Heart of healing. Do you know this mercy? Would we follow even if we were told our future, that we would die alone and never experience the warmth of a kiss and the embrace of a helpmate? Yeah. We would. I’ll try. But like Peter, I’ll need to be told again. “What is it to you? You must follow me.”

This was one of those moments.

Mosaic

2007-02-05T19:55:00.000-04:00

I've really been encouraged lately in my walk with Jesus through the ministry of Mosaic, a church community in LA. I just listened to another podcast, the beginning of new series, "Soul Cravings." Honestly, I've learned a lot from Erwin McMannus and his heart and passion for the Gospel. If you have your doubts about "emerging" churches, then spend some time with this church and listen in for yourself. Their address is http://www.mosaic.org.

Women, part 2

2007-02-01T21:13:00.000-04:00

I finally purchased Why Not Women? by Cunningham and Hamilton and began reading. And I have a question that I hope somone in blogger cyberspace will offer an opinion or two. :) In both my study on women for my paper and from the little I've read so far, I'm noticing a huge disconnect in the way Jesus treated a woman's role and the way "we" say Paul perscribes their roles. I don't get it. It would seem that since the fall of adam and eve, as the authors point out, that Satan (adversary) is at war with the woman (her threat to bruise his head) and has aimed at surpressing her. History proves this, and this isn't my question. The authors point out that, "Jesus came to restore God's original design and purposes for men and women." (p.23) If Jesus has gone as far back as the curse, then what does this mean for today in the continuation of HIS ministry on earth????

Stomp the Yard: what I learned

2007-01-23T16:21:00.000-04:00

I went with two of my friends last night to see Stomp the Yard. If you don't already have an idea of what this movie's about, Stomp the Yard is a no-joke story of a black 19-year-old expert street dancer who overcomes the bitter pain of his brother’s killing to enroll in an all-black University where he learns what true character and honor look like. He helps a struggling fraternity learn the art of dance while learning himself what true brotherhood is all about—and what it is not.

I’ll say it up front that this movie contains a lot of negative elements. It’s not my judgment call whether you should see it or not, but I will be honest with you about what motivated me to see it, how it impacted me, and what my response is.

Hip-hop simply was not my thing. I avoided it because it was easier to be ignorant than have a Christ-like opinion. That plus I am white, and unfortunately, so were most of my friends most of my life. The result? Ignorance, yes, but a failure to relate with a growing majority of the population centers of our country. So what motivated me to watch this movie is a drive to learn their stories. (and movies, believe it or not, tell stories that we either listen to and conform ourselves to in the name of entertainment; avoid altogether and label it sin based on what it looks like outwardly; or we listen, evaluate, and learn from them).

This movie surprised me. Yeah, I could go the route of saying it had a predictable story line (or a poor screenplay for you movie critics out there), but I strived to look past that. I sought to understand the people it portrayed and what I found out was they are people with clearer goals and passions than I have. But they hurt deeper and more openly than I could possibly imagine. I learned that brotherhood requires the decision to be honest and humble. I learned that only the humble are truly exalted to the place of honor. DJ, the main character was forced to come to the end of his pride before he could offer his true value to the rest of his team. I could go on, but what I saw that impacted me most was a guy who had passion, knew what he wanted, and with accountability, gave it all he had.

My response is realistic. It has elements in it that I was forced to avoid. I looked away several times because to watch would send me down a path I’m forbidden to go. I was prepared and knew what was coming. I made judgment call that I could handle it, and with the Spirit’s help, I walked with God through it all. But as I drove home, I talked to my Father about it. I asked him something I found disturbing me. How is the Jesus I know better for those guys and girls than the life they lived in this movie? If I answered that question in terms of my Christian experience, I don’t think I have much to say to them. In fact, I’d probably avoid them. And that’s what I’ve done all my life. I’m thankful that God didn’t leave me questioning. He gave me a breathtaking picture of Jesus. Only He can transform one’s passions for such lust-driven dancing into a passion to dance like mad to love, serve, and touch broken people with a message of Love and Hope. Living a moral life may look like living in a suburb and hanging out with white people who play organs and go to a church on Sundays and Wednesdays. But that’s not what we’re called to do. We are called to live lives of love, walking as Jesus did among the broken, oppressed, depressed, hurting sinners, and giving them the greatest gift of love—laying down your life.

Hey, and maybe if we're open and honest, and not "pretending," we can learn something or two, or three. I know I was impressed by their dancing skills. :) For looking less than wholesome, this movie definitely carries a surprising message that aims at and gives good reasons for changing our less-than-supportive minds.

Which Journey are you on?

2007-01-19T00:37:00.000-04:00

I have entered a gaunlet on my spiritual journey, and a much anticipated gauntlet, I should add. Radical shifts are taking place in my worldview and my thinking as a young believer. You may laugh at what I'm going to say, as short as it is, but know that it carries heavy implications on who I will be.

I have always thought about the "Christian" Journey in terms of my performance--you know, attaining a certain level-- how good I am, or am not, how much I screw up, pleasing people, etc. I imagine where I'll be in so many years. I define myself in terms of what I do or want to do. This is normal, in fact, it's a worldly way of thinking because this is how America thinks. You're in control of your life, take care of your self, look out for yourself, pamper yourself, consume consume consume. The more you do, the busier you get, the farther you'll go. The best you can hope for is becoming nice people. But I have suddenly realized that this is critically flawed and I can't tolerate this because it will eventuallly destroy a person's heart.

The Christian journey isn't a about a place we arrive at. No. The journey we are on as believers in Jesus is all about who we become--it's about character. The destination is Jesus--and us becoming by grace what Jesus is by nature. And it isn't my character, but rather Jesus' holy and perfect character given to us as we follow Him by faith. I'm on a journey (and it's not just me), and it's all about radical divine change taking place. With every step, I am to become a selfless, humble servant of God and of man. My mission is the mission Jesus gives to his followers--to be passionate about giving up ones life for the good of people, for the rescue and transformation of humanity. Something worth living for, and worth dying for. And get this: the law no longer points out our flaws because Jesus destroyed it (well, more like fulfilled it). Instead, he stands there ready to cheer us on and fuel us for the journey. (being IN Christ, see John 15). Something happens when we embark on this journey. The group of blatant sinners are immeediately and totally transformed into saints, chosen ones, children, friends. Somethign divine has taken place, and now its up to us to respond--there's an amazingly human side (hence, journey). You know what? It's time we do the "being" part of the command "be transformed." Destination "be a good, dutiful, perfect, 'i have no problems,' Christian?? No. Destination: "losing your life for My sake," destination integrity, faith, hope, love, destination freedom, destination transformation. Look inside your heart, soul, and mind. Which journey are you on? Only one of these paths leads a person toward the fulfillment of the greatest commandment. Which journey are you on?

The Dreamer

2007-01-13T20:51:00.000-04:00

It's been ages since I arranged my words into poetry, but ages have assisted in the uncovering of my passion. It's funny, but I wrote this poem in the car, driving through West Virginia on my way back to Pennsylvannia. The questions were haunting me as I thought about where I had gone all these years.

Dreamer, Dreamer, what do you dream?
Where is your passion;
When will you lead?
To where shall we follow;
And when shall we leave,
If ever you’ll lead us,
Oh Dreamer who dreams?

Dreamer, Dreamer, remember your dream,
And those days filled with passion
When you promised to lead?
For you were content to follow,
Until the day you believed
That you were meant to lead us—
The Dreamer who dreams.

But Remember, oh Dreamer, Who made you to dream,
Who clothed you with passion
And chose you to lead.
It’s He whom you’ll follow
Whenever you lead.
And wherever you’ll lead us,
The Dreamer will dream.

So, Dreamer, Dreamer, tell us your dream.
Show us your passion,
It’s time for you to lead.
Together we’ll follow
For the journey bids us leave;
Today, if you’ll lead us,
Oh Dreamer who dreams.

Saints not Sinners, Part 1

2007-01-07T18:02:00.000-04:00

11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. 14 For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. (romans 6:11-14)

Have you ever taken time out of your busy schedule to offer yourself to God as one who has been brought from death to life and the parts of your body as instruments of righteousness? What if this were to be taken literally, and not merely figuratively. I mean, it would seem to me that we physically let sin reign in our mortal bodies, obeying its evil desires. Do you agree? When I allow my eyes to linger on a presumptuous woman in a television commercial or add in the mall, I am physically letting sin reign in my body. When I sin in any way, I am making a physical and spiritual decision. I've learned that it will never get any easier or better. The decision will always exist. However, if I live life trying to defeat sin, then I will be fighting the wrong battle. Ephesians 6 seems to indicate that the battle is not with flesh and blood, but rather a spritual war in heavenly places, one fought in spirit and in the mind. I think we have a lot to learn about spiritual things in our day and age. Because I think the Spirit is more involved in this battle than I've been taught in church. What if I sat still for a little while and contemplated in my heart, mind, and spirit my position in Christ, before literally, physically, and spiritually offering my body to God as one who has been brought from death to life. What do you think? Am I off my rocker? Are you merely fighting the sin in your life, or you engaged in an intimate, love relationship with God and opening yourself to the work of the Spirit in your life?

What's up

2007-01-02T02:08:00.000-04:00

Here I am in Knightdale, North Carolina, enjoying the company of some dear friends. My little Jedi buddy, Josiah, has indeed refreshed and revitalized my inner child. :) We're making a movie, soon to be released, and it will feature some pretty cool special effects. Anyway, staying up late, drinking lots of coffee, eating ungodly amounts of chocolate, jumping for hours on a trampoline, watching Lord of the Rings, talking about wounds, relationships, and girl problems, laughing at farts, playing texas hold 'em, losing at most every game I play, eating the most amazing of food cooked by her worshipfulness, playing lego starwars, to name a few, have all added such joy to the journey as of late. Hey, and surprise surprise, it's a new year. I really am thankful for the life God has scripted for me. I'm thankful for the people He has placed in it, like Mike and Kristina, who have helped me understand both God and myself so much better. I'm glad there's someone else like me in this world, and one who can help me journey through the foggy areas on the path.

I'm entering some uncharted waters in this new year. I could not have asked for it to begin any other way. All work, no school. I want to read, engage the darkness, drink coffee, and go on an adventure.

Jesus' Mommy

2006-12-19T10:21:00.000-04:00

Luke 1:46-56

46And Mary said:
"My soul glorifies the Lord
47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
48for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
49for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
50His mercy extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
52He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
53He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.
54He has helped his servant Israel,
remembering to be merciful
55to Abraham and his descendants forever,
even as he said to our fathers."

56Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.

I am captivated by this woman. Though it doesn't say why she went away to be with Elizabeth for 3 months, I have my ideas. But this past Sunday we were doing a divine reading through this passage when I stumbled upon this phrase. "Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and returned home." Truly, she understood what God had done for her. I mean an angel visits her and tells her she's pregnant by God. She runs to the only person who may understand her revelation. And Elizabeth, her cousin and only friend at this point, honors her. I mean she’s been chosen to be the Messiah’s mommy. But she believes it—something very few would be willing to do, given that Yahweh has been a bit less than vocal over the past centuries. But this? A poor, Jewish girl turns up pregnant after being given to an honorable man in a marriage engagement? Mary’s faith blows mine to pieces. And Elizabeth is so blessed by her presence? The irony of it all. A girl who would bring shame to many is probably the most blessed woman in history, and most humble at the same time. How fitting for the man who would embody humility. He gave this gift to his mommy, who by all means would teach it back to her son. Fear, thrill, panic, conflict? She returned home. She returned home with no guarantee that her husband would take her, or believe her, or even withhold a just accusation against her. However, she returned home with her hand pressed against her belly, holding the hand of her baby boy and her Savior, and putting her life in His powerful hand all at the same time. I think this had something to do with her decision to go back home. With all of heaven watching, she humbly took her place in the most beautiful story I’ve ever heard. I want to marry a woman like Mary. And I want to be like her baby boy.

Divine Reading

2006-12-18T23:56:00.000-04:00

"Lectio Divina is an ancient spiritual art that is being rediscovered in our day. It is a way of allowing the Scriptures to become again what God intended that they should be - a means of uniting us to Himself. In lectio divina we discover our own underlying spiritual rhythm. We experience God in a gentle oscillation back and forth between spiritual activity and receptivity, in the movement from practice into contemplation and back again into spiritual practice.

Lectio Divina teaches us about the God who truly loves us. In lectio divina we dare to believe that our loving Father continues to extend His embrace to us today. And His embrace is real. In His word we experience ourselves as personally loved by God; as the recipients of a word which He gives uniquely to each of us whenever we turn to Him in the Scriptures.

Finally, lectio divina teaches us about ourselves. In lectio divina we discover that there is no place in our hearts, no interior corner or closet that cannot be opened and offered to God. God teaches us in lectio divina what it means to be members of His royal priesthood - a people called to consecrate all of our memories, our hopes and our dreams to Christ.”1

1 Dysinger, Luke. “The Process of Lectio Divina,” http://www.theofframp.org/lectio.html (a great article on the process of divine reading, something I recommend highly)

Eragon

2006-12-16T00:23:00.000-04:00

Read the book, it's amazing. The movie is epic, but it's like comparing a picture of an exotic landscape to being there for yourself. The movie is impressive, though. But from one who read Eragon, the novel, and who is nearly finished with its sequel, believe me when I say it fell short of its inspiration, though acceptably so. (If you've read the novel, you'll understand what I mean) You cannot fit a 400 page book on screen unless you're ready to make a three hour movie. But when you watch it portrayed by 108 minutes, you can't help but be sad.

However, for those of you who have not read the book, you'll love it. You may ask a lot of questions, like my sister, but you'll either hate it or love it. So do not be dismayed. I hope it will inspire you to pick up the book. Christopher Pauolini writes a powerful story, and one not easily put down.

I find many connections in this story to our Story. Like Eragon to his world, we, as believers (dragon-riders), have much hope to offer the world, and much resistance to offer the enemy. It's another story that inspires the wild hearted to be courageous, and no longer run for the shadows. It's a story for the feminine heart to follow into a battle fought by both races, as equals, and rightfully so. After all, the dragon's a female, and a strong one.

(Re) Eragon. (2006) screenplay by Peter Buchman, directed by Stefen Fangmeier

The Nativity Story

2006-12-15T23:35:00.000-04:00

It is worth seeing. Prepare to be humbled. My heart was stirred. I walked away satisfied, not just by the work of art on screen, but by the deeper story I found myself a part of. "What kind of tale might this be?" (to echo someone else's question) "...and where might I fit in this story?" I say humbled because I was shocked by the aura of a young Jewish woman. She wasn't a mature, white, American. She wasn't a beautiful, white, angel either. She was a woman oppressed by her surroundings, but a woman strong in her faith, and worn by her hope. Joseph was a man of quiet passion. He was a middle eastern man, barely acceptable in our country as he appeared. Their culture was foreign, and far from rosey. There's so much I don't understand about them, so much we don't understand. Still, this portrayal screams of God's mysterious faithfulness in a way I can't describe by words, nor through a blog. You must see it for yourselves. He chose to send His Son to this woman, and honor her we must. She suffered. Was it she who chose this lot? No. It was Yahweh, the God who was silent for so long, yet drew near. It was the God who chooses.

The movie captures the intense struggle of a honorable man fighting for survival, and a quiet woman who had little, as they merely began an endless journey. What happens to a girl who turns up pregnant? The Law screamed, but God's quiet voice screamed louder. It was ironic, but vividly portrayed. The Pure arrived in scandal. The Holy in the filthy. If all the scripture that was quoted in this movie were truly prophetic of this Baby, then I am eternally awed by what he came to offer. Why us? Why would he give us proud Americans, gentiles, a chance to know and live. Why would he entrust His gift to people who outright deny the Jews their rightful place in their story--people who would deny Yahweh ever had a plan in the first place, but a riddle solved by the greatest of learned men. How pitiful we are with such little faith. Even still, He chose the most humble to be His mommy and daddy. How he chose the most humble to receive their gift.

What if it really were true though? What if he really were a King? And what if he really asked us to prepare the Way? Maybe then we wouldn't walk away from this movie critiquing the arrival of the wise men, but instead, marveling at its meaning.

(Re) The Nativity Story. 2006. Directed by Catherine Hardwicke, Produced by New Line Cinema

Tonight

2006-12-11T22:24:00.000-04:00

I love being forgetful. For example, I just got excited for the first time but for the fouth time now when I realized that I could park my car in the garage. My parents and I just downsized the amount of boxes we have stored in our garage so that we can now put two cars comfortably in the garage. I'm used to parking my car outside, and so when I pull up my long driveway I forget that I no longer have to park outside. It's fun to experience something for the first time so many times.

I did something foolish tonight. I went into my favorite class discouraged because I had, yet again, fallen terribly below the expected performance level of a seminary student--my paper remains unfinished. I totally forgot that Dr. King is unlike any institutional professor. Now, gramatically I'm aware that it should read "any other" to acknowledge that he is one, but that is not what I intend to mean. My heart is set free to do my paper well for the health of the body even though I'm slow, and not to meet a requriement that exists to force me to please people.

I don't have anything theological to say tonight. I'm just thankful. Thankful that there are people who won't allow others like me to remain in the prison of fear. I'm also happy because I can park my car inside.

My Dream Semester

2006-12-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

I made a decision. For the first time in 17 years, I will not be in school next year. I cannot begin to describe how relieved I am right now. Someone once said, "God only gives you enough time for what He wants you to do." I've struggled this year more than ever with stress, anxiety, doubt, and busyness. I hate that god. I hate it. Busyness is at war against Christians and is winning. Long have I asked God what it was that didn't fit his agenda for me. The more time that past, the more I realized how much of my "doing" life didn't fit his agenda, or least not the agenda Jesus had. But all of that aside, I knew in my heart that I was going down the path of obligation, and it needed to stop. Seminary. It negatively affected my finances, my ministry, my health, and my already weakened relationship with Christ, which then affects everything else. Was it a mistake? No. It was a learning experience, and a good one. I did something because I thought I had to, and not because it was wise and best for me. I have been going to bed this week by 10:00pm each night because of my health, securing at least 8 hours of sleep. I am feeling the best I've felt in a long time. I don't know how I missed it, but my sister shares my health condition, and she told me that a lack of sleep makes it worse. I learned the hard way. I have a million paths laid out before me, which will I choose? I don't know, but I'll take another step forward. Borrowing from Toby's example, I want to become the man worth killing. It won't be the path of least resistance. So what does God want from me? He wants me. He wants my heart. He wants me to become like Jesus. How will this happen? I don't know, but I will be ready. I'm restructuring priorities though, that's for sure. Isn't life amazing?

I'm Hurting

2006-12-05T22:22:00.000-04:00

"These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold - and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."
1 Peter 1:7

I had one of the worst days of my life. I was 'burned' today, badly. It hurt with pain I really don't know how to describe. I had to cry out to my God, and pour my mixed up feelings at His feet. I didn't worry about reverence, I didn't even worry about how I came into His presence. My professor today warned us that we ought to come into God's presence fearfully aware that we could be punished. If that were true, the earth would have swallowed me a long time ago. But I know the truth. There is no fear of punishment, because Jesus drank the entire cup of my Father's wrath. I know my Father's voice. I know how frail and weak I am, and how much I fail Him. I had no faith to offer Him in my defense, but I think He heard my cry and pleading for some. It hit me. He's REAL. The Spirit really does use the Word of God, but why does it take my most desperate hour for me to realize it? Think about it. Our faith is more precious to Him than gold or value. I'm being purified, and somehow, before I derailed, He reminded me tonight that though the pain is real, it is accomplishing for more than I could dream. He really is a good God. And, I love Him. Do you? May this be a reminder to you that we are His dear children, and He loves us with unfailing love, especially when our circumstances and the evil one leads us to believe otherwise. I hope the Enemy can read. :)

Re: Submit to One Another

2006-11-29T21:13:00.000-04:00

A certain friend posed this question: "Can we truly allow another believer to 'bear our burderns' if we do not open ourselves up and allow him access to the depths of our being?" (Re: Submit to One Another)

No, I really think it's not possible. Sadly, though, I'm not sure we're willing to....unless..... we've heard from God what He thinks of us with our fig leaves removed, standing totally exposed before Him. It's probably the most mystical, vulnerable thing we can do. And I think it has something to do with the process of being rescued from darkness and the despair of evil (what fundamentalism calls "saved" or "salvation" or maybe "rededication").

Uh, here's what I mean. A mentor-friend of mine taught me that grace means to stand totally exposed yet be totally accepted. A few years ago, I tasted this grace for the first time in the journey. I think he's pretty close. See, what caused Adam and Eve to shamefully hide in the garden now is cause for us to fall into the arms of our Rescuer, Jesus.

Because as ugly as my hidden life had become, I was convinced in my shame to hide myself from God and man. But, finding clues that His heart was good, I surrendered. And, I myself am totally exposed before God, yet totally accepted. I am bewildered by the truth that we, being His children, have everything we need to be victorious in the painful struggle against sin and the evil one. But here's the heart of my battle, the choice I must make daily in this struggle: Is my reputation (what other people think of my greatness) more valuable to me than the health of the body, and becoming a man like Jesus in His death that I might live like him through His life? I finally made the choice to take the road less traveled, and I assure you, it is terribly painful. But, it is totally worth it. I know the truth of who I really am...I am strong, and I have overcome the evil one (see 1 John 2:14). God makes me strong for the sake of my brothers and sisters also on the journey. But, I am strong because I am weak. I am only strong because I'm not alone in this battle/journey. I need brothers and sisters who can wield the sword and take up the shield of faith beside me, especially when I can't. And I cannot, and neither can you, unless we know (are convinced of) who we really are--knowing the power of being accepted by our heavenly Father, knowing Christ as our brother and perfect high priest, and above all, knowing the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge.

It's all in the journey. Are we ready for it? The the health of the Church depends on it. Hey, there really is a battle underway for middle-earth.

So, we're to confess our sins to one another, because we struggle and desperately need healing. We're to bear one another's burdens, because Jesus bore our shame on the cross and we have nothing left to hide.

So, no, to answer the question, I don't think it's possible. We can't allow another believer to 'bear our burderns' if we do not open ourselves up and allow him access to the depths of our being. We cannot open ourselves and grant one another access to the depths of our being until we know the Truth, and the Truth sets us free. What can we possibly be waiting for?

Women

2006-11-27T15:44:00.000-04:00

I was walking to my car and it hit me in the face. I'm not going to write my theological issues paper on emergent, or churches, or emerging churches. I'm going to write about women. I'm going to write my theological issues paper on women in global church ministry. I've too often ignored this issue out of fear of coming to a conclusion. But I read someone's comment recently that inspired me to search for some answers to a few of the questions being asked.

If any of you know of any blogs or journals or podcasts that speak to this issue, would you please pass links along?

I have an interesting book on topic by Tony Campolo. I laughed when I read it, but out of fear I assure you. However, I listened to a "talk" by Jasson Jaggard from Mosaic on fear, trembling, salvation, God and such matters. I think I'm going to be okay. :) It's a good thing I'm single, and unavailable. Or, is it?

Of Chinese Fortunes

2006-11-26T16:22:00.000-04:00

A group of "old" friends went out for Chinese recently. A mentor-friend of mine passed along his fortune to me. That's what happens when community happens over Chinese food. Now before I write the fortune on my blog, please understand that fortunes that come from Chinese cookies at this particular Chinese buffet are true. But their meanings, unlike Scripture, (or like it?) are hidden.

It read:
"Fear knocked. Faith answered. No one was there."

Like it or not, I'm in the battle. I've made the decision to "put aside the ranger." I am becoming who I was meant to be. (Lord of the Rings: Return of the King). And now, like young Eragon, I've uncovered the path before me--I am to become a dragon-rider. My training has just begun. Oh yeah, fear knocks. But Faith will answer. I will wield a shield more powerful than any shield of the finest alloy.

"Stand therefore,...above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one." Ephesians 6:14,16

What if we really have everything we need to live an abundant, victorious Christian life?

Then Yoda is real, and we are all Jedi by birth.

*By the way, you need to read the novel Eragon, and watch it December 15 in theaters.

Tolkien

2006-11-22T23:09:00.000-04:00

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way.
-J. R. R. Tolkien

A Tragedy

2006-11-21T22:57:00.000-04:00

There once was a man who was caught in sin. He was immediately taken to a meeting of Christians. Exposed before them all, he said nothing as each one of these Christians whipped him, jabbed him in the back, and spit on him. They condemned him, and left him in a gutter to soak up his tears. Somehow he managed to drag his wounded body back home. At least there his family tended to his wounds, washed him of his filth, and nursed him back to health. But he wasn't the same anymore. The more time that passed, the more hollow this man seemed. He was a kind man, and a hard worker. He had dreams like everyone else, but above all, it became obvious that this man was seeking one thing. A safe place, where arms of compassion would welcome him home, where sweet mercy falls like rain, and where a band of brothers would fight for him and never leave him behind. He sought a place called grace. And then this man received a chance to try again. He took it relunctantly because all he wanted was that place. But his reluctance turned to hope when he heard rumors that this was that place. He tasted excitement when more and more people talked about something that sounded so strongly like this place. There he walked into another meeting of Christians with the memory of his stoning still weighing heavy on his heart. And much to his surprise, they listened to the account of his horrifying experience of being caught in sin and they accepted him. He was convinced that it would only be a matter of time before these men extended their arms of compassion to welcome him home, show him sweet mercy, and fight along side of him never to leave him behind. While the men acted like they belonged to this place, this never happened. He excused their distance, and went on with life as he always knew it to be: hard, painful, and lonely. As the weeks passed, tears constantly filled the man's eyes. Reminders of this place called grace tormented his weak heart. He longed to meet Jesus, but he was trapped with strong men who maintained their distance. It was true, they had good excuses why the man wasn't welcomed into their safe place. One claimed it would be too awkward for himself if the man were included. Another feared that the leader would probably hurt the man instead of help him. Some were uncomfortable with sins being confessed. Others of them believed their culture couldn't handle it. Their women seemed perfect, and could not tolerate a man's weakness. This made these men afraid of letting a sinner into their safe place because their wives would never understand. And that's just it--they were afraid. They never tried. They went on with their lives as usual, and soon forgot all about him. But months later, when they remembered the man, it was too late. The enemy attacked. He found the man in total isolation and ambushed him with accusation until he fell apart. The man fought back, but he was too weak, and he fell. His family agonized over this tragedy, but none of the people knew how to help them. They never learned how in Sunday School. They never were taught by their Teacher. So they did what they've always done: put on a smile, and pretend like everything was okay. And it worked. And don't worry, it really is okay. The man got to meet Jesus. And Jesus wrapped him in His arms of compassion, washed him with tears of joy, and welcomed him home. And there, in the arms of Jesus, he found the sweet mercy that fell like rain. There, he met his Band of Brothers who would never leave him behind. And the man was fully alive for the first time in his life. (and it was he to whom eternal life was given)

"God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6
"If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen." 1 John 4:20
see John 8:1-11

Prologue

2006-11-21T18:37:00.000-04:00

I've always wanted to use that term for something. Well, this will do. I'm tranfering my old blogger jounrey to the new blogger journey. Simple, right? No, time consuming. Anyway. There has been much to write about lately, so I'm re-arranging some stuff to make this condusive to writing along the journey. My photo journal is still there I think, and I may continue to do that when blogger ever becomes Mac friendly. The link is http://photojournies.blogspot.com. Anyway, thanks for being my friend.

Holding Hands

2006-08-17T20:12:00.001-03:00

Man, I haven't written something in a long time. But, then again, the adventure has kept me busy fighting impossible battles, defeating attacks from the enemy, taking beautiful, life-changing walks Jesus, taking a trip to another country, enjoying deep friendships, experiencing a few set-backs, struggling with sin, working, facing betrayal, experiencing a painful separation, and doing everything I can to trust God as he teaches me to be that man after His own heart. You know, though I know it sounds so cheap and unauthentic on a xanga blog, I am experiencing what it is to be fully alive. I am living an abundant, victorious Christain life. Life hurts deeply, but the joy is indescribable, the strength is unbelievably real, and the grace abounds in abundance...and at the end of the day, I can't help but smile because God--the faithful, covenant keeping God, my Redeemer and Fear---is so good.

It takes a spirit-led choice to walk with him, and to realize that He really is interceding for us, and speaking to our hearts, reminding us that we are His children, sons and daughters, and best of all, heirs of God.

I've struggled with sin this summer, but His grace has abounded all the more. I've doubted the heart of God, but He replaces that doubt with assurance and faith. I've felt so lonely, but He has come to my rescue, in the form of a brother and a friend he sent to speak to my new heart. And that's what takes my breath away. I have a new heart. And so do you. It's the heart where Jesus lives. It's the heart that defines us and makes it possible to love. Sometimes true love means letting go. Regardless, I will keep running....running hard towards the finish line...looking to my Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. So, I'm alive and well, and with a tear in my eye, blood on my shirt, and a smile on my face, I am, by grace alone. And check this: I'm holding hands with the hand that holds the world... :)

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails.

God's Will For The Journey

2006-05-23T23:41:00.000-03:00

"So then, since Christ suffered physcial pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you are willing to suffer for Christ, you have decided to stop sinning. And you won't spend the rest of your life chasing after evil desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God." 1 Peter 4:1-2

My Smile

2006-04-13T20:45:00.000-03:00

I ran into one of the first testings of my faith since last semester--hard. :) It's a test of courage and faith. I didn't too so well at first. It's been on my mind since last night, but I'm trying hard to analyze and make sense of something I'm feeling inside, and I'm not refering to what my good friend Micah said, "you're better off than you think." He's right, but there's something else. Something like a chord that was struck and I mysteriously found it on key and the one I've been missing all along. But it's having a strange effect.

I just glanced at my wall. On it is a quote I heard a couple years ago that's served as a benchmark in my life. "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

And then a quote from Braveheart, "Men don't follow titles, they follow courage."

We sang a song in chapel today that set my heart at ease, and held my hand in comfort. It reminded me of my lot in life, my total abandonment to all measure of worth this world, friends, or any person can offer--and in its place a desperate call to true discipleship in view of the grace of God, that costly grace of God. Being real and fully alive.

"Your pardon is a gift of love,
Your grace alone must save us,
Our works will not remove our guilt,
The strictest life would fail us.
Let none in deeds or merits boast,
But let us own the Holy Ghost
for He alone can change us:
Only by grace, by grace alone."
Written by Martin Luther

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen. It is God who justifies. Who is he that condems?" Romans 8:31-34