It's one of those moments. I'm listening to The Fray and reflecting on a conversation just had with a close friend of mine. I was reminded of how difficult it really is to look squarely at Jesus and follow him. It's so easy to look behind you and say, "Lord, what about him?" Just like Peter. So unlike Jesus.
I hate being misunderstood. I hate being misinterpreted. I love honesty and hate dishonesty—even in myself. I hate rejection. I hate failure. But tonight, I found the beautiful in a moment where all I could taste was my own blood.
I know the mercy of rejection. Mercy screams to us in our pain, to borrow from C. S. Lewis. God does here what He does best. He loves. He loves deeply.
“Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don’t know why/hold on tight/wait for tomorrow/you’ll be alright.” (The Fray’s Heaven Forbid) It haunts us, doesn't it?
We were talking about relationships. Girls. Guys. I guess it’s easy to think that we know what we need and know how to get it. It’s hard when we don’t get what we need and realize we never did know how to get it. There’s something happening in Christian circles when it comes to girls and guys in relationships. It’s a mess, but that’s not my point.
One or two of us makes sense of this mess and they do it right. We want their story and we say to our Lord, “What about him?” And maybe then we should hear his response, “What is it to you if he marries and lives happily ever after? You follow me.” (see John 21) Maybe if we understand that all along the definition of wait was always to meet Jesus in the feelings of hopelessness, rejection, and remorse. Untouched, unbridled mercy awaits the wounded who venture into the Heart of healing. Do you know this mercy? Would we follow even if we were told our future, that we would die alone and never experience the warmth of a kiss and the embrace of a helpmate? Yeah. We would. I’ll try. But like Peter, I’ll need to be told again. “What is it to you? You must follow me.”
This was one of those moments.
1 comment:
I'm not sure how I came across on this one (I know, lacking perception skills right?) but I wanted to make sure my readers here know my heart on this one. I smiled as I wrote this. It has become so real to me that I almost wonder if I was made for moments like this. I have much to learn and much to see, and I realize now more than ever that Jesus stands ahead of it all. He's my author. Why rush? Why worry? Why hide or pretend otherwise? I'm open because to many are closed.
So, my friends, smile. Jesus loves you.
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