My Confession

I've been thinking a lot about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his life lately, thanks in part to his memorial today. Such thinking left me duly aware of the effects of racism present in American society today. It helps that my dear friend, and mentor (even second-father) is black. Listening to him today exposed me both the blatant and the more subtle hints of racism in both recent history and present day evangelical circles that I tend to frequent. He spoke of blacks being banned from conservative colleges and seminaries, and their open acceptance by our branded "liberal" schools, and many with scholarships even. And then there's politics, which has the tendency of perverting everything, or giving us an acceptable mask behind which to hide our true intensions. While I agree that there are hardline issues that do exist in our political decisions as Christians, I do wonder if these are a cop out in critical support of racial equality. I mean, really. Had Dr. King lived during our lifetime, would he have won our respect, and our support? I wonder how many of my Christian brothers and sisters would have joined them on their marches. But wait. What does it mean that the great majority of my Christian "friends" are white? I've heard it said that the Sunday morning worship service is the most segregated hour of the week. Why? I realize that it is far easier to be uniform than it is to be diverse and completely unified. One requires submission to rules, the other requires a radical submission of oneself to the Spirit of God. One requires opinion, the other requires love. This is my honest confession. I'm not who I should be. Yet. I'm an uncompleted puzzle in need of the creative and patient attention of true spiritual community.

On Election and Predestination

"Systematic Theology, be careful how you tie down the Word to fit into your set and final creeds, systems, dogmas, and organized theistic philosophies. The Word of God is not bound! It's free to say what it will to the individual, and no one can outline it into dispensations which cannot be broken. Don't get it down 'cold' but let it live, fresh, warm, and vibrant, so that the world is not binding ponderous books about it, but rather it is shackling you for having allowed it to have free course in your life. [...] And those who are arguing about foreknowledge, election, and such--read those verses 14-26 and then look how the apostle is willing to leave it a paradox (vv. 25, 26)."
(Jim Elliot, January 19 entry on 2 Timothy 2 from The Journals of Jim Elliot), p. 14

While some may give their lives to the endless glamor of gospel centered conferences, I've chosen to read the quiet reflections of a humble, flawed man who abandoned the pursuits of scholasticism to live out the power of the gospel for the salvation of all who would believe. The Journals of Jim Elliot came to me highly recommended by a dear friend--thanks Arlee. Though I've only begun reading it, I'm already impressed. I love that he never made a penny as a result of his story of obedience, faithfulness, and sacrifice.  I love that he's real and his words were written to a sole audience of Jesus, his Lord and Guide. I'm skeptical I know, and sometimes critical.  While men herald the name of John Piper and wear his face on a T-Shirt or buy coffee mugs with his inscriptions, I can't help but wonder if Jim Elliot is a more fitting teacher of what it means to be disciples of Christ.

This entry caught my attention.  I've been wounded by the pervasive arrogance of intellectual Bible scholars who would depend on their expertise in Biblical studies to "rightly" exegete texts to prove and defend to those who cannot know for themselves that God in all of his sovereign wisdom and foreknowledge alone determined and secures the destiny of those who would go to heaven and those who would go to hell.  They use big words, and their followers do their bidding against all who, in their opinion, ignorantly believe otherwise.  Paul instructed Timothy to do the very opposite: "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels" (2 Timothy 2:22-23).

Don't fall prey to the Bible college mentality of acquiring knowledge and scholasticism. I beg of you. Instead, pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace. Become men and women who present themselves as those approved, workers who do not need to be ashamed, and who correctly handle the Word of truth so as to be thoroughly equipped for every good work for the sake of the world.

Work

I discovered something about myself this week. I don't like to work. I'll be honest--I dream, I have a keen vision, I even have grandiose desires for my life; but I'm lazy. To be lazy is to be unwilling to work or use energy. What's worse is my having excuses. And I've gone no where fast. But now, I'm sick of it. Allow me to share with you the reason why.

I'm captivated by the relationship God desires to have with me. That I can enjoy and experience intimacy with the Almighty is a reality comparable to nothing else. Not only does He desire this relationship with us, He makes it all happen by His grace. He sets us free and gives us life to the full. Believe me, I desire an intimate, passionate, love relationship with God.

I have lived 24 years already and often wonder how many I have truly lived. I have made it my goal to live all of the days of my life. I don't want to merely survive, I don't want to get by, and I certainly don't want to die a slow death. I want to live.

I want to truly become a man--no, a dangerous-to-the-enemy, gentle, kind-hearted, wild-hearted, authentic, genuine, reverent, and faithful servant of God. I don't want anything to do with nice.

I want to be trained for ministry. I want to become a husband and raise a family. I want to do something significant with my life. But I was unwilling to do the work and use up my energy to accomplish these things. I found that it was easier to want to be these things than it is to actually work hard and pay the price to become these things.

And we all want these things don't we? We want to do something significant with our lives. We want to make enough money to be happy. The problem is, as I found it to be in my life, we are searching for a feeling instead of the real thing. (The American doctrine of Instant Gratification) We want the intimate romance of our dreams, so we spend our time looking for it and feeling for it going from partner to partner--instead of preparing ourselves for it, working on our character, working on having the strength to work at it, and working out our own issues while paving the way and preparing for the reality of a real romance. We want to make more money, but we despise our jobs--instead of working on our attitudes, building our character, becoming stronger so we can work harder and as long as we can to make having more money a reality. We want to do something significant so we talk about it and pessimistically search for the feeling of significance--instead of taking a risk, doing the extra work to actually be significant, if but only to the people we work with.

I wanted the intimate relationship with God, until I realized that intimacy is the result of an unabashed, relentless pursuit, requiring upmost, unconditional commitment and effort on the part of each. Sadly, I wanted the feeling of intimacy in my relationship with God more than I was willing to work at an intimate relationship with God. Isn't it the same with relationships? It's amazing how many people have sex to experience a momentary feeling of intimacy, though most often leaving them with intense regret and an insatiable awareness of a lack of intimacy. Easier to feel it here and there than work for the reality of living it out in our daily lives.

My mentor taught me that grinding my own coffee beans just before brewing them makes for the greatest tasting coffee--but, it's work. It is easier to go into debt buying less-satisfying nearly-instant coffee at my local Starbucks. And I do it, even though my coffee is 100 times better.

This week I read that Jesus himself, God in the flesh, learned obedience by what he suffered. It hit me. I don't want to suffer. I want the fruit of suffering, but am unwilling to first suffer. I'm an idiot. If He himself yielded to the pain of suffering before being made perfect, I had better quit running from the very thing God is using to form me into the very person I long to become. Am I willing to endure hardship? Am I willing to do the work and use up whatever energy I have? Are you?

Wind

Today, I learned that wind is created by the flow of air from an area of high pressure to an area of low pressure due to changes in heat.  The rotation of the earth on its axis is the reason wind circulates in a spiral motion between high and lower pressure areas.  A low pressure area is created by the rising of a warmer, less-dense air mass away from the earth's surface.  And conversely, a high pressure is created by the colder, more-dense air falling down to the surface, replacing the warm air.  :)  Now, to figure out why the oceans are salty.  

Re: Shattered Dreams

In our Common Ground community at church we have been reading and exploring the book of Ruth together.  Its story is deeply touching.  The following quote comes from Larry Crabb's perspective on Naomi, the leading character in the story, in his book, Shattered Dreams.  This is what he writes: 

"Shattered dreams open the door to better dreams, dreams that we do not properly value until the dreams that we improperly value are destroyed.  Shattered dreams destroy false expectations, such as the 'victorious' Christian life with no real struggle or failure.  They help us discover true hope.  We need the help of shattered dreams to put us in touch with what we most long for, to create a felt appetite for better dreams.  And living for the better dreams generates a new, unfamiliar feeling that we eventually recognize as joy."  (p. 35)

Another Pilgrim's Progress

I've been thinking about Pilgrim's Progress this week thanks in part to a friend's random question.  (If you were your own character in Pilgrim's Progress, what would your name be?)  Being Nameless for the time being, I cannot escape perceiving my days in terms of Christian's journey (or was it Graceless's).  I say this with a sigh, because I wish I could read it again.

I'm stuck in the Slough of Despond.  Am I allowed to be stuck there?  I'm not supposed to be, I know.  But I am.  Despite my bloody efforts to avoid these deceitful slough's scattered about the Way, I was left one day with no other choice but to take a moment's solace in the middle of one.  Lucky chance?

But it gets worse.  Experience told me one day that there's no room for people like me in America's version of the Celestial City.  Wayfarers don't know how to help people who fall into sloughs.  If America's Celestial City isn't a safe place for Slough-trapped farers like me, what else is there to journey toward? Already I lack the strength to creatively lean forward into the future.  How can I dream of something better than America's Celestial City?

Perhaps then that's the beauty of an allegory--that's all it really is.

A Paper Doll in a Barbie World

At least that's what dial-up internet feels like nowadays.

I walked into Best Buy today passing their new catch-phrase slogan posted, um, everywhere, on everything--"You, Happier." I smiled because this slogan was also pasted all over the PC computer screens. "Yeah, right," I thought to myself with a cocky-but-for-good-reasons smile on my face.

I liked to think that my experience has quite ruled out the possiblity that price tags can yeild happiness. But my egg shell worldview shattered to the sound of a modem dialing the number for the world wide web. Forced, though without an agrument, I now know there is a price tag that will and does yeild happiness. It's the price tag attached to high-speed internet. Relative, sure, but then again, you try gmailing a group of friends and facebooking on a dialed-up 40kps connection in 100 mbps world.

All of this to ask, is relying heavily on the internet as my primary means of connection to friends and aquaintences a bad thing, or a wise thing?

This is me hoping I'm nearing the end of an uncharted interlude without a means of a high speed connection to blogging, facebook, and e-mail.