What is a Christian?

What is a Christian? (since everyone claims to be one) Someone who goes to church and is never supposed to miss Sunday morning services, Sunday School, Sunday evening service, or Wednesday Night "Prayer" Meeting (Bible study). Someone who never swears, drinks alcohol or appears to drink alcohol. Someone who refuses to go to restaurants that serve alcohol or allow smoking. Someone who doesn't bet. Someone who reads their Bible and prays before every meal in public. Someone who is a Republican and criticizes the Democratic party. Someone wears a coat and a tie on Sunday. Someone who is confident that they are going to heaven when they die. Someone who is supposed to witness to the unsaved. Someone who is supposed to give 10% of his income to the church. (is this enough?)

My heart is breaking as I write these things. Please understand that I am not trying to criticize anyone. I'm only being real about my internal struggle to understand how Jesus and His message fit together with a Baptist church and its message. Tears fill up my eyes and I crave honest discussion with people who don't have all the answers...people who love Jesus more than John Calvin, or John Piper. People who are willing to stop, pick up the Samaritan, and tend to his wounds.

Is this really what a Christian is? Then if "Christian" really means "Little Christ" then how is that most of these fail to describe Jesus himself? A Christian goes to church. Jesus went to a physical synagogue, but he never went to church, in fact, he probably doesn't understand that phrase. A Christian doesn't drink alcohol, smokes, or swear. Jesus drank wine, and gave wine to his friends supernaturally. He hung out with people who were known to get drunk. I think he might have swore at the Pharisees, but I don't know that for sure. Christians don't go to bars or places that have an atmosphere of smoke and alcohol. Jesus went to the houses of notorious sinners, smokers, drug-addicts. I doubt he was concerned about appearance. Christians argue about theology, while Jesus argued with the theologians. Christians are segregated, while Jesus destroyed it on the cross. Christians condemn the lost and the wayward while Jesus loved them so much he left the healthy to find them, heal them and give them a drink of water.

My heart is bleeding. When will this nightmare end? When will I understand what Jesus wanted from His followers? When will I have the courage and faithfulness to stand for what He did? I crave the abundant, victorious life of faith, love, and hope.