Work

I discovered something about myself this week. I don't like to work. I'll be honest--I dream, I have a keen vision, I even have grandiose desires for my life; but I'm lazy. To be lazy is to be unwilling to work or use energy. What's worse is my having excuses. And I've gone no where fast. But now, I'm sick of it. Allow me to share with you the reason why.

I'm captivated by the relationship God desires to have with me. That I can enjoy and experience intimacy with the Almighty is a reality comparable to nothing else. Not only does He desire this relationship with us, He makes it all happen by His grace. He sets us free and gives us life to the full. Believe me, I desire an intimate, passionate, love relationship with God.

I have lived 24 years already and often wonder how many I have truly lived. I have made it my goal to live all of the days of my life. I don't want to merely survive, I don't want to get by, and I certainly don't want to die a slow death. I want to live.

I want to truly become a man--no, a dangerous-to-the-enemy, gentle, kind-hearted, wild-hearted, authentic, genuine, reverent, and faithful servant of God. I don't want anything to do with nice.

I want to be trained for ministry. I want to become a husband and raise a family. I want to do something significant with my life. But I was unwilling to do the work and use up my energy to accomplish these things. I found that it was easier to want to be these things than it is to actually work hard and pay the price to become these things.

And we all want these things don't we? We want to do something significant with our lives. We want to make enough money to be happy. The problem is, as I found it to be in my life, we are searching for a feeling instead of the real thing. (The American doctrine of Instant Gratification) We want the intimate romance of our dreams, so we spend our time looking for it and feeling for it going from partner to partner--instead of preparing ourselves for it, working on our character, working on having the strength to work at it, and working out our own issues while paving the way and preparing for the reality of a real romance. We want to make more money, but we despise our jobs--instead of working on our attitudes, building our character, becoming stronger so we can work harder and as long as we can to make having more money a reality. We want to do something significant so we talk about it and pessimistically search for the feeling of significance--instead of taking a risk, doing the extra work to actually be significant, if but only to the people we work with.

I wanted the intimate relationship with God, until I realized that intimacy is the result of an unabashed, relentless pursuit, requiring upmost, unconditional commitment and effort on the part of each. Sadly, I wanted the feeling of intimacy in my relationship with God more than I was willing to work at an intimate relationship with God. Isn't it the same with relationships? It's amazing how many people have sex to experience a momentary feeling of intimacy, though most often leaving them with intense regret and an insatiable awareness of a lack of intimacy. Easier to feel it here and there than work for the reality of living it out in our daily lives.

My mentor taught me that grinding my own coffee beans just before brewing them makes for the greatest tasting coffee--but, it's work. It is easier to go into debt buying less-satisfying nearly-instant coffee at my local Starbucks. And I do it, even though my coffee is 100 times better.

This week I read that Jesus himself, God in the flesh, learned obedience by what he suffered. It hit me. I don't want to suffer. I want the fruit of suffering, but am unwilling to first suffer. I'm an idiot. If He himself yielded to the pain of suffering before being made perfect, I had better quit running from the very thing God is using to form me into the very person I long to become. Am I willing to endure hardship? Am I willing to do the work and use up whatever energy I have? Are you?