Yesterday was a date night for Arlee and me. I liked Friday for that reason.
I also liked Friday the 18th of March because it marked the end of another tryingly transitional week. Arlee's been working 8 hour days watching children--work that starts at 7:30 am. Arlee's roughly 19 weeks pregnant, and 18 weeks more pregnant than she was 18 weeks ago. I, on the other hand am pregnant with tasks and ideas and thoughts and to-do-lists outstanding. My day job is on the chopping block called "organizational renovation." It demands 8 hours a day from me, not including the one hour round trip to and from work and the 5 miles of walking I do to and from my free street-parking spot in Scranton every week. My creative job is in my head, and that one involves me redesigning an organization's logo. Part of my week I'm also a photographer. As such, though there a million things I'm supposed to be doing, I'm currently wearing an accountant's hat, collecting my poorly organized financial statements and figuring out how to fill out a nasty form called Schedule C. And then there's my passion--leading the college & young singles ministry called Common Ground. That's a job some men are paid to do, 60 hours a week. Back to being married. I come home Monday through Thursday with less than four hours to do 75% of all the above in relationship with my best friend and lover, in a ratty old apartment with issues, with two needy and demanding kittens, and enough distractions to occupy me alone for weeks.
That's why we had a date night. We love each other desperately enough to cherish, protect and cultivate our relationship--together, enjoying a walk on a rare 65 degree evening, homemade pizza, and Manning's ice cream.
We've been happily married for over 9 months now. I thank God for marriage, and I praise Him for making Arlee my wife. (See Genesis 2.22) And I need her. Our relationship that we share is precious. But it's also fragile. It's shaped by the effort and work we willing and lovingly put into it. It's also shaped by the circumstances and forces of life all around us and even by the sin within us. And that's the simple reason for a date night. It's a means to an end. That is, a date night is the means to a beautiful, fruitful marriage.
That's the good news.
Here's the bad news.
I've neglected God, and have forgotten Jesus.
I'm striving for things that don't matter. I'm falling apart on the inside. I'm worried and upset about many things, when only one thing is needed. (Luke 10.38-42)
The truth is, I also have a relationship with the Lord God, the creator of heaven and earth. This one's got more weight than all my earthly relationships put together--including my marriage. The reason is simple and yet profound. See, He chose me and loved me, despite my wickedness and sin. He sent Jesus his Son to bear my punishment on the cross, thereby making me completely right with God. As a result, God forgave all of my sins, and brought me into a beautiful relationship with Himself through faith (belief) in Jesus. And it's through this relationship that He is transforming me into a real man, one who lives and acts like Jesus to the glory of God--because He's worth it.
Only, the thing is, His worth is variable in our hearts. We can't see him physically for who He really is because of sin. If we could, we would die in fear. (Exodus 33.19-23) Honestly, in a way, not being able to see Him is a gift from God. But the responsibility can be a curse. Because we can't see Him, our only option is to trust Him through the Gospel. The Gospel shows us His worth. However, without trying we forget Him and the Gospel. And then there's an Enemy who spreads lies. So does the world around us. So does our sin. As a result, things which do not matter become far more weightier than God, and the scale tips the other way. We live for things that don't matter. And it plagues us, and ruins everything.
My soul hurts tonight, because I'm out of touch with my Savior. It's been a while. And it's affecting everything. But that's the undeniable reason why Christians desperately need the Gospel.
Just like Paul said to Timothy, "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst" (1 Timothy 1.15)
This is my esse quam videri moment--"to be, rather than to seem to be." Don't mistake the mask for the player. I need his grace, just like you do. I'm done pretending not to.
It's time to get one thing straight tonight. He is worth everything.
"to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen." -1 Tim. 1.17
No comments:
Post a Comment